[first lines]
Chrissy Snow: [hurts herself doing needlework] Ow!
Janet Wood: [comes from kitchen, apple in hand] Chrissie...!
Chrissy Snow: Yeah?
Janet Wood: When you eat something, on what side do you chew on?
Chrissy Snow: [puzzled] The side that's nearest to me.
Janet Wood: [sits down next to Chrissy] You see, I was at the dentist, and he said that everybody chews on one side of the mouth more than the other.
[hands over apple]
Janet Wood: So, take a bite.
Chrissy Snow: Okay.
[takes apple, and Janet stares]
Chrissy Snow: Don't look at me.
Janet Wood: Huh?
Chrissy Snow: Well, I can't chew when you're looking at me. I feel really self-conscious.
[Janet turns around and Chrissy takes her time chewing]
Chrissy Snow: I chew straight up and down in the middle.
Janet Wood: Chrissy, that's ridiculous. Only rabbits chew in the middle. Take another bite!
Chrissy Snow: [gets stared at again] Don't look at me!
Janet Wood: I'm not looking, I'm observing!
Chrissy Snow: [still chewing] Well, I'll observe myself in the mirror.
[goes off to bathroom]
Janet Wood: [mimics] "I'll observe myself in the mirror!"
[folds arms impatiently at door]
Janet Wood: Well?
Chrissy Snow: [from bathroom] I chew on the left.
[doorbell rings]
Janet Wood: [doorbell rings] Mm?
Chrissy Snow: [comes out of bathroom] That's terrible!
Janet Wood: [as she goes to open door] Why?
Chrissy Snow: Well, it means one side of my mouth is gonna wear out before the other...
Janet Wood: [opens door] Oh, hi, Mrs. Roper.
Helen Roper: Hi, Janet.
Chrissy Snow: ...and by the time I'm thirty, I'm gonna be lopsided!
[aghast at prospect]
Helen Roper: [misunderstands anatomy involved] Look, honey, why don't you try just exercising with the other...?
[mimics breast-shaping exercises]