- [first lines]
- Chrissy Snow: [hurts herself doing needlework] Ow!
- Janet Wood: [comes from kitchen, apple in hand] Chrissie...!
- Chrissy Snow: Yeah?
- Janet Wood: When you eat something, on what side do you chew on?
- Chrissy Snow: [puzzled] The side that's nearest to me.
- Janet Wood: [sits down next to Chrissy] You see, I was at the dentist, and he said that everybody chews on one side of the mouth more than the other.
- [hands over apple]
- Janet Wood: So, take a bite.
- Chrissy Snow: Okay.
- [takes apple, and Janet stares]
- Chrissy Snow: Don't look at me.
- Janet Wood: Huh?
- Chrissy Snow: Well, I can't chew when you're looking at me. I feel really self-conscious.
- [Janet turns around and Chrissy takes her time chewing]
- Chrissy Snow: I chew straight up and down in the middle.
- Janet Wood: Chrissy, that's ridiculous. Only rabbits chew in the middle. Take another bite!
- Chrissy Snow: [gets stared at again] Don't look at me!
- Janet Wood: I'm not looking, I'm observing!
- Chrissy Snow: [still chewing] Well, I'll observe myself in the mirror.
- [goes off to bathroom]
- Janet Wood: [mimics] "I'll observe myself in the mirror!"
- [folds arms impatiently at door]
- Janet Wood: Well?
- Chrissy Snow: [from bathroom] I chew on the left.
- [doorbell rings]
- Janet Wood: [doorbell rings] Mm?
- Chrissy Snow: [comes out of bathroom] That's terrible!
- Janet Wood: [as she goes to open door] Why?
- Chrissy Snow: Well, it means one side of my mouth is gonna wear out before the other...
- Janet Wood: [opens door] Oh, hi, Mrs. Roper.
- Helen Roper: Hi, Janet.
- Chrissy Snow: ...and by the time I'm thirty, I'm gonna be lopsided!
- [aghast at prospect]
- Helen Roper: [misunderstands anatomy involved] Look, honey, why don't you try just exercising with the other...?
- [mimics breast-shaping exercises]