In a brief sketch, Johnny plays a TV pitchman for Schlock-Tel, promoting a toy with dozens of uses - a toilet paper tube. He then goes through several clippings sent by viewers, including a 1962 Cleveland newspaper article about him. John Davidson talks about guest hosting for Johnny the following week, and then discusses the background of celebrating Christmas on December 25. The conversation meanders into the origin of Christmas cards in the late 19th century, the topic of the winter solstice and the meaning of the word "gnomen". Joyce Van Patten talks about starring in Neil Simon's new play "I Ought to Be in Pictures". She also recalls her brother Dick's start in show business as a child model, and discusses being recognized by people who can't quite figure out who she is. Charles Nelson Reilly notes that he starred in Neil Simon's only play that flopped, and comments on his wordless role in the upcoming Broadway play "Charlotte", which stars his longtime acting teacher Uta Hagen. O.J. Simpson discusses his feelings about retiring from football, and comments on the origin of his nicknames and how he didn't know his name was Orenthal until the third grade. He then talks about his acting career, and shows a clip from his TV movie "Goldie and the Boxer". He says that he started to take acting seriously as a career option while making the movie "Klansman" with Richard Burton and Lee Marvin, when they and Elizabeth Taylor had a vat of chili from Chasen's restaurant flown in by private jet on a whim while filming in northern California.