Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell (2003)

Charlie Sheen: Charlie Harper

Photos 

Quotes 

• [giving the cab driver directions to his mother's house in Beverly Hills] 

  Charlie : Just go east on Sunset until you reach the gates of Hell.

• Charlie : [Charlie's view on Disneyland after returning from a day spent there]  "Happiest Place On Earth", my Snow White ass!

• Cab Driver : Your mother sounds like a real piece of work.

  Charlie : Oh, you have no idea, my friend. My mother took my baby brother and dipped him in *sissy sauce* and turned him into the people-pleasing control freak you see today.

  Alan Harper : That's right! And, and, she made *him* so scared of intimacy, that, that he has just this endless stream of girls running in and out of his life.

  Charlie : Damn her!

  Cab Driver : You know, many psychologists agree that until the core maternal relationship is resolved, most men are doomed to repeat dysfunctional childhood patterns.

  Charlie : Just drive the cab, Dr. Phil!

• Evelyn Harper : Too late, I'm not speaking to you.

  Charlie : Alright.

  Evelyn Harper : Would you like to know why?

  Charlie : No. I trust your judgment.

• Charlie : Alright. It's just you and me now. Are you really sick, or are you just faking it to get out of another fun-filled afternoon?

  Jake : I'm really sick.

  Charlie : Just checking, 'cause I was going to fake it.

• Charlie : I got some more bad news.

  Alan Harper : [Referring to Jake's pet guinea pig]  Oh, that reminds me. I've got to bring Porky back to Jake.

  Charlie : That's the problem. Nothing's bringing Porky back.

  Alan Harper : He's dead?

  Charlie : [Imitating Porky Pig]  Th-th-th-that's all folks!

• Charlie : [singing]  If your home is bug infested, filled with spiders, flies or gnats / all our sprays are safety tested, we kill vermin, not your cat.

• Alan Harper : [drunk in a cab, talking about their mother]  At some point, we have to stand up to her!

  Charlie : Oh! Well, look who's got beer muscles all of a sudden!