Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts (2005)

Charlie Sheen: Charlie Harper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Charlie Harper : [tired of arguing with Jake]  This conversation's over.

  Jake Harper : Not if I keep talking.

• Jake Harper : [Charlie and Jake are eating at a Clucky's restaurant in the Watts district]  This isn't the Clucky's my mom takes me to.

  Charlie Harper : [annoyed]  No kidding.

  Jake Harper : Where are we, anyway?

  Charlie Harper : It's called Watts.

  [a big, intimidating black man walks past their table and Charlie nervously smiles, but grows scared] 

  Charlie Harper : Now, hurry up and finish your chicken!

  Jake Harper : Can I go back up and get some Cajun Clucky's?

  Charlie Harper : No, eat what you got.

  Jake Harper : But I like the Cajun Clucky's better.

  Charlie Harper : Then, why did you order the Regular Clucky's?

  Jake Harper : Because I forgot I liked the Cajun Clucky's.

  Charlie Harper : [annoyed]  Oh, just eat the freaking chicken!

  Jake Harper : Fine. By the way, why do you say "freaking"? I know what you mean, I'm not a little kid anymore.

  Charlie Harper : [aggravated]  Eat! Don't talk! EAT!

  [his outburst quiets the restaurant, resulting in everyone giving Charlie dirty looks. He looks at another black guy sitting across from him] 

  Charlie Harper : 'Sup?

• Jake Harper : Hey, don't just talk about me like I'm not here.

  Charlie Harper : Keep yapping and you won't be.

• Betsy : I'm Betsy.

  Charlie Harper : [shaking her hand]  Charlie.

  Jake Harper : Jake.

  Charlie Harper : Nobody asked you.

• Jake Harper : I was right. The Cajun Clucky's is way better.

  Charlie Harper : [annoyed]  I'll notify Zagat's.

  Jake Harper : Hey, could we stop at the video store before we get some ice cream?

  Charlie Harper : Who said we're stopping at the video store?

  Jake Harper : I want to rent the new Final Fantasy.

  Charlie Harper : Yeah, well, I want my $80,000 Mercedes *not* to smell like chicken, but life's full of little disappointments.

  Jake Harper : Okay, forget the ice cream. We'll just stop at the video store.

  Charlie Harper : Jake, I'm tired. I've got a headache. I just paid $100 to get my car back from the chicken valet and I want to go home.

  Jake Harper : Oh, come on! It'll only take a minute!

  Charlie Harper : Look, Jake, you might be able to bully your parents into doing whatever you want, but when *I* say no, that's it!

  Jake Harper : All right, I guess I won't have a video game to play this weekend.

  Charlie Harper : Exactly. You'll find something else to do.

  Jake Harper : Right. It'll be just you and me.

  [Charlie thinks about that and decides to go to the video store, after all] 

• Jake Harper : [Charlie and Jake show up at Judith's house]  What are we doing here?

  Charlie Harper : I'm taking you back to your mother.

  Jake Harper : Why?

  Charlie Harper : Why? I'll tell you why. Because you're no fun anymore. Because the whole "isn't he cute?" thing is over and I'll tell you something else: if this is just a prelude to what you're gonna be like as a teenager, then we've got a serious problem!

  Jake Harper : [annoyed]  Whatever.

  Charlie Harper : You see? Right there! That attitude does *not* fly with me!

  Jake Harper : Whatever.

  Charlie Harper : [Charlie begins developing chest pains and holds his chest]  God, I hope that's the chicken.

• Jake Harper : Shh! I'm trying to concentrate.

  Charlie Harper : Don't shush me. Never shush me!

  Jake Harper : Whatever.

  Charlie Harper : [Charlie starts holding his chest in pain, again]  Please be the chicken.