Two and a Half Men (TV Series)
Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts (2005)
Angus T. Jones: Jake Harper
Photos
Quotes
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Charlie Harper : [tired of arguing with Jake] This conversation's over.
Jake Harper : Not if I keep talking.
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Jake Harper : [Charlie and Jake are eating at a Clucky's restaurant in the Watts district] This isn't the Clucky's my mom takes me to.
Charlie Harper : [annoyed] No kidding.
Jake Harper : Where are we, anyway?
Charlie Harper : It's called Watts.
[a big, intimidating black man walks past their table and Charlie nervously smiles, but grows scared]
Charlie Harper : Now, hurry up and finish your chicken!
Jake Harper : Can I go back up and get some Cajun Clucky's?
Charlie Harper : No, eat what you got.
Jake Harper : But I like the Cajun Clucky's better.
Charlie Harper : Then, why did you order the Regular Clucky's?
Jake Harper : Because I forgot I liked the Cajun Clucky's.
Charlie Harper : [annoyed] Oh, just eat the freaking chicken!
Jake Harper : Fine. By the way, why do you say "freaking"? I know what you mean, I'm not a little kid anymore.
Charlie Harper : [aggravated] Eat! Don't talk! EAT!
[his outburst quiets the restaurant, resulting in everyone giving Charlie dirty looks. He looks at another black guy sitting across from him]
Charlie Harper : 'Sup?
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Jake Harper : Hey, don't just talk about me like I'm not here.
Charlie Harper : Keep yapping and you won't be.
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Betsy : I'm Betsy.
Charlie Harper : [shaking her hand] Charlie.
Jake Harper : Jake.
Charlie Harper : Nobody asked you.
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Jake Harper : I was right. The Cajun Clucky's is way better.
Charlie Harper : [annoyed] I'll notify Zagat's.
Jake Harper : Hey, could we stop at the video store before we get some ice cream?
Charlie Harper : Who said we're stopping at the video store?
Jake Harper : I want to rent the new Final Fantasy.
Charlie Harper : Yeah, well, I want my $80,000 Mercedes *not* to smell like chicken, but life's full of little disappointments.
Jake Harper : Okay, forget the ice cream. We'll just stop at the video store.
Charlie Harper : Jake, I'm tired. I've got a headache. I just paid $100 to get my car back from the chicken valet and I want to go home.
Jake Harper : Oh, come on! It'll only take a minute!
Charlie Harper : Look, Jake, you might be able to bully your parents into doing whatever you want, but when *I* say no, that's it!
Jake Harper : All right, I guess I won't have a video game to play this weekend.
Charlie Harper : Exactly. You'll find something else to do.
Jake Harper : Right. It'll be just you and me.
[Charlie thinks about that and decides to go to the video store, after all]
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Jake Harper : [Charlie and Jake show up at Judith's house] What are we doing here?
Charlie Harper : I'm taking you back to your mother.
Jake Harper : Why?
Charlie Harper : Why? I'll tell you why. Because you're no fun anymore. Because the whole "isn't he cute?" thing is over and I'll tell you something else: if this is just a prelude to what you're gonna be like as a teenager, then we've got a serious problem!
Jake Harper : [annoyed] Whatever.
Charlie Harper : You see? Right there! That attitude does *not* fly with me!
Jake Harper : Whatever.
Charlie Harper : [Charlie begins developing chest pains and holds his chest] God, I hope that's the chicken.
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Jake Harper : Shh! I'm trying to concentrate.
Charlie Harper : Don't shush me. Never shush me!
Jake Harper : Whatever.
Charlie Harper : [Charlie starts holding his chest in pain, again] Please be the chicken.