- Tiffany Malloy: Brad's not a barber. He's a stylist.
- Ryan Malloy: What's the difference?
- Tiffany Malloy: Did you see Mom's hair? That's a barber.
- [exults in gazing at her own reflection in the mirror, those red tresses...]
- Jennie Malloy: Hi, kids. Who wants to help me plant daisies in the yard?
- Tiffany Malloy: We dug Grandma's grave. You tend it!
- Ryan Malloy: [the epitome of flouncy] I'm just getting ready for my first day at work. This is the uniform. Hey, these pants are so tight, I really can't bend over in the middle.
- Tiffany Malloy: I think that's maybe for the best.
- Ross Malloy: [as he enters through the front door, three beautiful girls are waiting for hairdressing guru Ryan] Hi! Welcome to the Love Boat. I'll be your skipper.
- Carla: [hot stunner in green mini-dress] Aw, isn't he the cutest little thing?
- Ross Malloy: Now, I know what you're thinking. It's illegal. But don't worry, I won't press charges.
- Tiffany Malloy: [enters] Ross... Did you place an ad saying you're casting an Aaron Spelling show again?
- Ross Malloy: If someone puts a candy store in the house, you're a sucker not to take any.
- Carla: We're here to see Mr. Ryan.
- Erica: [blonde stunner in blue dress] He's *so* cool. The other day he said I was beautiful, and that my boyfriend didn't deserve me.
- Carla: That's right. He totally understands women.
- Tiffany Malloy: [gives fake laugh] But I taught him to say that.
- Erica: Someone sounds bitter.
- Carla: Someone needs one of Mr. Ryan's hugs.
- Tiffany Malloy: [retches] Ugh!