The Vicar of Dibley (TV Series)

Love and Marriage (1998)

Gary Waldhorn: David Horton

Photos 

Quotes 

• [post credits] 

  Geraldine Granger : So, the man from McDonald's goes to the Pope, and he says, "Holy Father, I have a proposition for you. I will give the church a million quid if every time you say the Lord's prayer you say, 'Give us this day our daily hamburger.'"

  David Horton : Mm-hm.

  Geraldine Granger : Well, the Holy Father thinks about this, and he says, "My son, I cannot change the holy text." So the man says, "OK, fifty million quid." So the Pope thinks and he says, "Well, I'll put it to the cardinals." So he goes to his cardinals and he says, "Cardinals, I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that I can get the church fifty million smackeroonies. The bad news is we're going to have to lose the contract with Wonderloaf."

  [David laughs heartily] 

  Geraldine Granger : You see, they already had a deal going...

  David Horton : With Daily bread.

  Geraldine Granger : Yes.

  David Horton : I know, I get it.

  Geraldine Granger : You get it?

  David Horton : Brilliant.

  Geraldine Granger : Oh, you get it! What a relief!

  [both laugh] 

  David Horton : [seriously]  Stay.

• [first lines] 

  Geraldine Granger : Sorry I'm late. Where are we?

  Hugo Horton : Voting on a name for the new road.

  Geraldine Granger : Oh, good. So long as we don't name it after any of us. I hate all that puffy, puffy self-publicity stuff, don't you? So, what's the suggestion?

  Hugo Horton : David Horton Road.

  Geraldine Granger : Oh, please! In the name of all that is holy, no!

  David Horton : Actually, I agree with the vicar on this one. Very poor idea, Hugo. Personally I'd rather we named it in memory of someone who is no longer with us, someone like, say... my predecessor as chairman of the parish council.

  Owen Newitt : Very good idea.

  David Horton : Excellent.

  Geraldine Granger : Your predecessor being, let me just get this right, your father's cousin? Whose name was...?

  David Horton : David Horton, that's right. All those in favour of naming it David Horton Road, after my predecessor?

  [all but Geraldine raise their hands] 

  David Horton : Carried.

• David Horton : [On seeing the design for Alice's wedding dress]  Oh, please tell me she is not wearing *that*.

  Geraldine Granger : No. That is a piece of paper with a drawing on it - the actual thing will be made of the finest quality wool and linoleum.

• David Horton : Geraldine, I'd like you to meet someone. This is my little brother Simon.

  [Simon holds out his hand. Geraldine gapes on seeing that he is incredibly handsome] 

  Geraldine Granger : [Trying to hide her unmade face with her hair]  Er... would you excuse just, erm...?

  [In speeded up motion, she rushes back to the vicarage, then runs back to David's house and re-enters the room now wearing makeup, pushing past Hugo and Alice] 

  Geraldine Granger : Move it! Hi!

  [Shakes Simon's hand enthusiastically] 

  Geraldine Granger : I'm Geraldine.