- Brad Sherwood: [in "Weird Newscasters"] Hello, and welcome to the six o'clock news. I'm Chester Moist Muffins. Our top story tonight: Rumors are speculating that Madeleine Albright is actually a monkey. When asked to comment, she shimmied up a tree and flung poo at the press.
- [Drew laughs]
- Brad Sherwood: And now, with the local news, here's Lionel Hot Biscuits.
- Colin Mochrie: [subtitles: "The world's most tactless man"] Hi. There was a big accident, some people got decapitated, here are their names.
- [to Brad]
- Colin Mochrie: You know what? That shirt really makes you look fat. I mean, the color's all wrong. I mean, who shot the drapes?
- Brad Sherwood: [in "Questionable Impressions", set on a freeway]
- [doing an impression of Jimmy Stewart]
- Brad Sherwood: Uh-uh, w-w-would you let me get into your lane?
- Wayne Brady: Marshall Dillon? Marshall Dillon? What did ya say?
- Brad Sherwood: What are ya, da-da-da-deaf?
- Wayne Brady: You aimin' for a shootin'?
- Brad Sherwood: Can't you see that me and my invisible bunny wanna get o-o-over?
- Wayne Brady: ...Whoa, whee-hee... whee-hee...
- [Drew buzzes him out; Ryan comes on-stage]
- Brad Sherwood: Uh-uh-uh...
- Ryan Stiles: [doing an impression of Charles Nelson Reilly] Do you know which way it is to Pomona? Mmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm!
- Brad Sherwood: Uh-uh-uh-aren't you on your way to Lidsville? Uh-uh-uh...
- [Ryan waves his hand and leaves as Drew buzzes him out]
- Drew Carey: Welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?", the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. Yep, we're just like the Cleveland Browns!
- [laughs]
- Drew Carey: The points don't matter because it's a rebuilding season...
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Narrate", set at a barber shop] He fit the description of the man I was looking for: 6'5''. 4'2'' naked. Well, when he was naked, he stood like this:
- [crouches]
- Colin Mochrie: I was gonna go undercover. I was gonna TRY and look like I needed a haircut.
- [to Ryan]
- Colin Mochrie: Hi, I'd like a little less off the top.
- Ryan Stiles: Why don't you sit down in the chair right over there.
- [to camera]
- Ryan Stiles: Oh, I knew who he was. And I knew he wasn't here for a haircut. And even if he WAS, it wasn't gonna take long.
- [to Colin]
- Ryan Stiles: Say, you look like you could use a shave as well.
- [mimes slicing at Colin's throat]
- Colin Mochrie: [to camera] As he cut my artery, I felt something was wrong. Lucky, using my telekinesis, I could make my blood clot and I could finish my job.
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Greatest Hits", about songs of the plumber] You know, if you've got drains and pipes, you've probably had a plumber over at one time or not in your life. And we've assembled over six of the greatest songs...
- [Colin gives a derisive look to the camera and then flaps his lips in time with Ryan]
- Ryan Stiles: that's right, six songs, on three CDs. I can SEE YOU out of the corner of my eye!
- [turns to Colin]
- Colin Mochrie: I'm sorry, you just explain things too long.
- Ryan Stiles: ...Six songs, three CDs.
- Colin Mochrie: Was that so hard?
- Ryan Stiles: [angrily] Go ahead!
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Greatest Hits", about songs of the plumber] You know, we have more songs on here than you can possibly count!
- [pause]
- Colin Mochrie: Well that's not true, but it sounded good, didn't it?
- Ryan Stiles: Well I said earlier there's only six, but you just kept on talking!
- [laughter from audience and Drew]
- Colin Mochrie: [looks at Ryan] What happened to you?