- [Five townsmen have just captured a vicious gang of bank robbers]
- Hatchett: Who are you guys anyway?
- Brodie Hollister: The Chamber of Commerce of Wildside.
- Cally Oaks: Nature takes its own pride - comma - but for the people of Buzzard's Fork - comma - it is the culmination of years of cultivation and love - period. Okay, now read that back.
- Elliot Thogmorton: Flowers bloom at Buzzard's Fork - period.
- Cally Oaks: That's not what I dictated, Elliott.
- Elliot Thogmorton: True, but I am merely trying to introduce you to the virtues of the simple declarative sentence.
- Cally Oaks: Oh, I see - such as "I am the one who pays your salary" - *period*.
- Elliot Thogmorton: ...How do you spell cultivation?
- Parks Ritchie: Hey, Sutton! Eastern boys shouldn't climb on horses unless they know how to ride 'em.
- Sutton Hollister: Parks, is this going to be an everyday event?
- Parks Ritchie: [readies himself to draw his pistol] I'm challenging you, Sutton.
- Sutton Hollister: Well, I don't know what your problem is, but I got more important things on my mind.
- [Sutton tips his hat and enters the newspaper office]
- Cally Oaks: You got business here, or did you just come by to make life rough?
- Sutton Hollister: Oh, yeah. I almost forgot. I got an ad to put in. Dad's got a thoroughbred ready to go.
- Cally Oaks: Okay, that will be 25 cents... but for you, make it 50.
- Varges De La Cosa: What do you need a gun for?
- Mr. Vick: Why, to shoot Indians, of course.
- Varges De La Cosa: They shoot back, you know.
- Varges De La Cosa: Look, Bannister's Emporium is just across the way. If you want to be a cowboy, save your money and go buy a Stetson.
- Mr. Vick: But I want a shooter... like this one!
- Varges De La Cosa: This is a Colt .45 Peacemaker - seven and half inch barrel, single action, rifled with six grooves, walnut grips, one revolution every 16 inches, taking a cartridge of 45 grains powder for a 235 grain lead. It's not... a shooter.
- Mr. Vick: Well then, what do you carry?
- Varges De La Cosa: I don't use a gun. I don't trust them. I respect them, but don't trust them.
- Estelle: Destroyed. Everything, all that work to build a town, all gone.
- Bannister Sparks: Well, you could look at it that way, ma'am, I guess... or you could do what my mother used to say - you tip your hat to the past and you roll up your sleeves to the future.
- [Bannister removes a blanket revealing two gold bars hidden beneath]
- Estelle: Who are you people?
- Brodie Hollister: We're the Chamber of Commerce of Wildside, ma'am.