- [after correcting Mulder's assumption that he was a circus performer]
- Fox Mulder: I'm sorry. I meant no offense.
- Mr. Nutt: Well, why should I take offense? Just because it's human nature to make assumptions about people purely on the basis of their physical appearances? Why, I've done the same thing to you, for example. I've taken in your all-American features, your dour demeanor, your unimaginative necktie design, and concluded that you work for the government... an FBI agent. But you see the tragedy? I have unconsciously reduced you to a stereotype, instead of regarding you as a specific, unique individual.
- Fox Mulder: But I am an FBI agent.
- Dr. Blockhead: Did you know that through the protective Chinese practice of Tiea Bu Shan, you can train your testicles to draw up into your abdomen?
- Fox Mulder: Oh, I'm doing that as we speak.
- Mr. Nutt: Just because I'm not of so-called average height does not mean I must receive my thrills vicariously. Not all women are attracted to overly tall, lanky men such as yourself. You'd be surprised how many women find my size intriguingly alluring.
- Fox Mulder: You'd be surprised how many men do as well.
- [Sheriff Hamilton catches Mulder and Scully digging in his backyard]
- Sheriff Hamilton: May I ask what you're doing?
- Fox Mulder: We're exhuming... your potato.
- [after the funeral, attended exclusively by circus performers, breaks up due to Dr. Blockhead's impromptu performance]
- Fox Mulder: I can't wait for the wake.
- Fox Mulder: I could be mistaken. Maybe it was another bald-headed, jigsaw-puzzle-tattooed, naked guy I saw.
- [last lines]
- Fox Mulder: Hey, what's the matter with your friend?
- Dr. Blockhead: I don't know what his problem is. Maybe it's the Florida heat.
- Dana Scully: Hope it's nothing serious.
- The Conundrum: [he speaks for the first time] Probably something I ate.
- Dana Scully: [talking about her autopsy on Lanny] I've never seen anything like it.
- Dr. Blockhead: And you never will again. Twenty-first century genetic engineering will not only eliminate the siamese twins and the alligator-skin people, but you're gonna be hard-pressed to find a slight overbite, or a not-so-high cheekbone. You see, I've seen the future, and the future looks just like him!
- [points to Mulder]
- Dr. Blockhead: Imagine, going through your whole life looking like that.
- [Mulder and Scully enter and see Dr. Blockhead sitting on a bed of nails, untangling dozens of fishing lines attached to dozens of fishing hooks planted in the skin of his chest]
- Dana Scully: Mr. Swaim, federal agents, we're here to...
- [stops and stares]
- Dr. Blockhead: It's a variation of a Native American sun dance ritual. I suspend myself by these hooks, and the pain becomes so unbearable I leave my body. If people knew the true price of spirituality, there'd be more atheists.
- Dana Scully: Is this man also a body manipulator?
- Dr. Blockhead: No, in the classical sense, the Conundrum's a geek.
- Fox Mulder: He eats live animals?
- Dr. Blockhead: He eats anything. Live animals, dead animals, rocks, lightbulbs, corkscrews, battery cables, cranberries...
- Dana Scully: Mr. Swaim, we're here to question you about some recent murders.
- Dr. Blockhead: I don't answer any questions until I talk to my lawyer.
- Fox Mulder: Who's your lawyer?
- Dr. Blockhead: I represent myself.
- Dr. Blockhead: That's why it's up to the self-made freaks like me and The Conundrum to remind people.
- Dana Scully: Remind people of what?
- Dr. Blockhead: Nature abhors normality. It can't go for long without creating a mutant. Do you know why?
- Dana Scully: No, why?
- Dr. Blockhead: I don't know either. It's a mystery. Maybe some mysteries are never meant to be solved.
- [Mulder falls on a bed of nails]
- Dana Scully: Mulder, are you okay?
- Fox Mulder: It's more comfortable than a futon.
- [the door opens, showing Sheriff Hamilton holding Dr. Blockhead by the hooks in his chest]
- Sheriff Hamilton: Hey! Look what I caught.
- [tugs on the line]
- Dr. Blockhead: Ouch!
- [emerging from beneath a coffin at a funeral]
- Dr. Blockhead: Not having known the deceased personally, I'm in no position to perform a proper eulogy! I'm sure he was a nice guy, et cetera, et cetera. But as an admirer of the man's work, I am in a position to perform an impromtu tribute in his honor - namely, ramming this spike into my chest!
- [to his dog, after The Conundrum drops off Dr. Blockhead's check]
- Mr. Nutt: So tell me, Commodore, why are the weirdos the only ones who pay their rent checks in advance?
- [Commodore starts barking at the door]
- Mr. Nutt: I warn you, you tattooed cretin, I have a licensed firearm and am more than eager for an opportunity to use it!
- Hepcat Helm: Who are the rubes?
- Sheriff Hamilton: These are FBI agents Scully and Mulder. This is Hepcat Helm. He operates a carnival fun house.
- Hepcat Helm: Aww, man... How many times have I told you not to call it that! It's not some rinky-dink carny ride. People go through it, they don't have fun. They get the hell scared out of 'em! It's not a funhouse: it's a tabernacle of terror.
- Sheriff Hamilton: It's a fun house.