The Young Ones (TV Series)

Oil (1982)

Nigel Planer: Neil

Photos 

Quotes 

• Vyvyan : [Rick and Vyvyan are arguing over who gets which room in their new house]  This is my room!

  Rick : No, it's my room!

  Vyvyan : [Dumps a bin liner full of his clothes on the bed]  No! See? It must be my room, cause all my clothes are here!

  Rick : [after picking the clothes up and throwing them up out the window]  No they're not, Vyvyan!

  [Vyvyan strikes a match and lights the bed on fire] 

  Rick : Oh, that's just perfect, now what are we going to do?

  Vyvyan , Rick : [Rushing out of the room]  Neil! Your bedroom's on fire!

  Neil : [Coming out of a room]  Huh? Which one's mine?

  [Sees flaming bed] 

  Neil : Oh no!

• Rick : Im not sharing a bedroom with THAT rubber johnny! Allright Neil, Shut up. Before you say anything I just tossed a coin for who gets the bed and you lost. It's completely fair and if you don't believe me, ask Mike

  Neil : [Despondently]  Oh, uh. Okay Rick

  [Audience "Awws] 

  Rick : What?

  Neil : What?

  Rick : What did you just say?

  Neil : Huh?

  Rick : You just called me a Bastard didn't you!

• Neil : Hello Kitchen! Hello! My name's Neil but don't bother remembering it 'cause I'll probably be dead anyway.

• Rick : What is that little white dot?

  Neil Pye : It's a little white dot.

  Rick : Oh very clever.

  Neil Pye : Must be really old telly.

  Rick : What, hippie?

  Neil Pye : It's a sign, that little white dot. It means something really heavy. It means there's no more telly, it's time to go to bed.

• Neil : I thought we all agreed that if we went to the laundrette we would take everyone's dirty gear? Let's look in the People's Charter. Right, here it is. No one, right, even if they've been eaten by wild dogs, right, will go to the launderette without first collecting everyone else's dirty gear.

  Vyvyan : That's my clause!

  Mike : Right, now clause 83?

  Neil : Oh... except for Mike.

• Vyvyan : Alright, Neil, I'm gonna give you three seconds to make supper... starting NOW!

  Neil : Three seconds?

  [Starts trying to make supper] 

  Vyvyan : [Moves towards the dinner table once]  One.

  [Moves towards the dinner table a second time] 

  Vyvyan : TWO!

  Neil : [Gotten a couple pans]  What do you fancy, Vyv?

  Vyvyan : THREE! Where's my supper?

• Mike : I used to be a cat burglar, y'know.

  Neil : Oh, did you really? I didn't know that.

  Mike : Oh yeah, yeah; I've got a Swiss bank account with 2,000 bloody cats in it.