"Mein süßes Geheimnis" is a German television film from February 2006, so it's really only gonna be a few more months until this one has its 15th anniversary. Probably it happened already as most people will not read this review of mine in 2020 anymore. As for the basics, this film runs for under 1.5 hours as they always do and the man in charge behind the camera was Xaver Schwarzenberger, a really prolific director, but an even more prolific cinematographer and the latter is where he came up with his career-best efforts. The films he directed rarely achieved good quality and that is still a gentle way to put it. The man is retired now, but not for that long if you take into account that he already started working as a cinematographer in the late 1960s and as a director in the early 1980s. He is in his mid-70s nowadays and also from Austria by the way. This film is certainly one of his really late career efforts. The writer is Sophia Krapoth. She is over 50 now, so was in her mid-30s when she worked on the screenplay for this movie and the bad news is she is still working. It is truly bad news if we take into account that she worked on many films over the last 20 years and almost all of them are really, really poor quality-wise, which is again gently-speaking. Compared to her, Schwarzenberger is pretty much Hitchcock. That says it all. As for the cast, the female lead is Gila von Weitershausen and the male lead is Friedrich von Thun. They have quite a few things in common. Both were born during WWII in Eastern Europe what is now considered Poland and Czech Republic. And of course the "von" in their names. While GvW got first credits, FvT is only seventh credit. At least according to imdb. Not sure if this is correct. They were both in their 60s already when they made this movie and that is why the title ("a sweet secret") feels a bit strange. It sounds as if it would be more fitting for younger characters. Of course you can say that the title refers to other inclusions here, such as the male protagonist's daughter's story, but it is just absurd. Of course, it belongs to the two protagonists. Another thing they got in common is that both lead actors have been in many weak/overrated movies throughout the years. And are maybe a bit more famous than they actually should be. However, at least von Thun won me slightly over with his performance here, but I will get to that later on. As for the supporting cast, you will find a few other familiar faces here if you are into German movies. Korff is one I always like to watch and von Bülow is also easy to identify. These two, however, played characters that were written in such a stupid manner that you can only shake your head. Certainly wasted some alright actors there and I wish these would not have agreed to star in this film. They also do not only have a few seconds screen time.
Now, I will say a few words about the plot and specific scenes to emphasize why I thought this was a terrible movie. Honestly, here and there I thought maybe I could be generous and give two stars more which would only make it a weak movie, but in the end there were just too many terrible moments for any kind of generosity. The one scene where I pretty much realized that it sucks altogether was the one when they are at the amusement park, at the shooting gallery to be more precise. We find out that the male was a decent shooter in the past and yet he misses everything while the female hits every single target. Yeah, right. This was just the icing on the negative cake really. Still, the key story may not be great, but it also could have been worse. But it is also the attention to detail that is missing in the smaller parts and side stories. Take the aforementioned male protagonist's daughter and the guy constantly courting her. But she is more interested in her online romeo. Obviously. No need to say that the two men are exactly one and the same. You could smell it from far, far away. But the question arises: how did he know it was her? Did she include her real name? Did she tell him online where she works. We don't know. But I personally think it was utter nonsense. If we are talking about the main character's kids already, let's move over to the woman and her son. What can I say there. He is together with a woman (married?) who really treats him in an absolutely disrespectful manner because she badly wants to travel. Okay, that makes sense. Nah not really. And how does his mother react? She calls them both tense while he does not even say a word when his partner unleahes on him again. Unreal stuff. It's absolutely incredible how males are discriminated against in this movie. You can also find example for von Weitershausen's character how she treats men very poorly. Take the suitor she has obviously no interest in. She is not scared of using him to get what she wants. She even touches his hand and pretends she is interested like in the scene near the end. But also at the very beginning. There we find out she has zero professional integrity. She wants the trophy for the best cake and if she has to pull some sttings to get it, then she will. She would never get it through her talent or anything. So yeah, in other worse you could say this is a typical anti-male ARD (or their smaller stations) movie we have here once again. It does not mention Degeto or Ziegler here on imdb as production companies, but it's a fact that it is just as embarrassing. Of course, everybody gets their happy ending again. FvT's character after saying he is completely done with the women, GvW's character after being so mad that he found out her secret ingredient (very secret!) become a couple in the end as you could know right away they will. The allegedly funny moments like him being not 1% Italian are there for the sake of it all and never manage to entertain. These conflicts near the end are of course only there for some pseudo drama that the most stupid will think they will never get together. It's really nonsense, just like the entire idea of the male protagonist getting in a family member as a spy (who drools over his own female love interest) with the enemy. And as if all this is not bad enough already, the love confession scene is as cringeworthy and pathetic as it can be. Also kinda telling that even in 2006 they do not have the guts to depict people who kiss each other on the lips. And still they want the utmost emotion from everybody in the audience because these two are perfect for each other. From me they will not be getting anything like that. This was a terrible movie that Thun here and there elevated to weak level on his own, but as a whole it stays an abomination. I applaud everybody who sees through this unauthentic uninspired charade, especially female audiences who, as always with these films, are those targeted by the makers. Big thumbs-down. Highly not recommended.
Now, I will say a few words about the plot and specific scenes to emphasize why I thought this was a terrible movie. Honestly, here and there I thought maybe I could be generous and give two stars more which would only make it a weak movie, but in the end there were just too many terrible moments for any kind of generosity. The one scene where I pretty much realized that it sucks altogether was the one when they are at the amusement park, at the shooting gallery to be more precise. We find out that the male was a decent shooter in the past and yet he misses everything while the female hits every single target. Yeah, right. This was just the icing on the negative cake really. Still, the key story may not be great, but it also could have been worse. But it is also the attention to detail that is missing in the smaller parts and side stories. Take the aforementioned male protagonist's daughter and the guy constantly courting her. But she is more interested in her online romeo. Obviously. No need to say that the two men are exactly one and the same. You could smell it from far, far away. But the question arises: how did he know it was her? Did she include her real name? Did she tell him online where she works. We don't know. But I personally think it was utter nonsense. If we are talking about the main character's kids already, let's move over to the woman and her son. What can I say there. He is together with a woman (married?) who really treats him in an absolutely disrespectful manner because she badly wants to travel. Okay, that makes sense. Nah not really. And how does his mother react? She calls them both tense while he does not even say a word when his partner unleahes on him again. Unreal stuff. It's absolutely incredible how males are discriminated against in this movie. You can also find example for von Weitershausen's character how she treats men very poorly. Take the suitor she has obviously no interest in. She is not scared of using him to get what she wants. She even touches his hand and pretends she is interested like in the scene near the end. But also at the very beginning. There we find out she has zero professional integrity. She wants the trophy for the best cake and if she has to pull some sttings to get it, then she will. She would never get it through her talent or anything. So yeah, in other worse you could say this is a typical anti-male ARD (or their smaller stations) movie we have here once again. It does not mention Degeto or Ziegler here on imdb as production companies, but it's a fact that it is just as embarrassing. Of course, everybody gets their happy ending again. FvT's character after saying he is completely done with the women, GvW's character after being so mad that he found out her secret ingredient (very secret!) become a couple in the end as you could know right away they will. The allegedly funny moments like him being not 1% Italian are there for the sake of it all and never manage to entertain. These conflicts near the end are of course only there for some pseudo drama that the most stupid will think they will never get together. It's really nonsense, just like the entire idea of the male protagonist getting in a family member as a spy (who drools over his own female love interest) with the enemy. And as if all this is not bad enough already, the love confession scene is as cringeworthy and pathetic as it can be. Also kinda telling that even in 2006 they do not have the guts to depict people who kiss each other on the lips. And still they want the utmost emotion from everybody in the audience because these two are perfect for each other. From me they will not be getting anything like that. This was a terrible movie that Thun here and there elevated to weak level on his own, but as a whole it stays an abomination. I applaud everybody who sees through this unauthentic uninspired charade, especially female audiences who, as always with these films, are those targeted by the makers. Big thumbs-down. Highly not recommended.
