- Dave: [confronting the staff] Nobody has to tell me anything because... I was hiding under the desk the whole time!
- [the staff is upset at Dave's eavesdropping. Jimmy steps in]
- Jimmy: Now, look, people, it doesn't matter whether...
- [pause]
- Jimmy: Dave, you were under the desk the whole time? You didn't tell me that.
- Dave: Well, it was kind of unintentional, sir.
- Jimmy: Oh, I see, right. Now, look, people, it doesn't matter whether...
- [pause]
- Jimmy: Actually, y'know what, this is all pretty pathetic. I'm gonna have to distance myself from you. I'll see ya, Dave.
- Jimmy: You're the boss, you're supposed to be thick-skinned.
- Dave: I am plenty thick-skinned.
- Jimmy: Come on, I've seen thicker skin on a bowl of pudding. Here, check this out.
- [Mr. James lays his hand over a lit candle]
- Dave: Sir, you don't have to impress me.
- Jimmy: Wanna know the secret?
- Dave: Wild guess... Thick skin?
- Jimmy: Well, metaphysically, yes. Technically speaking, you do it fifteen, sixteen times, it kills all the nerve endings in your hand.
- Beth: Presenting "Dave the Insane Maniac," a play in one act, by Beth and Bill.
- [Bill walks in on his knees, holding a coffee mug]
- Beth: Hello, Dave.
- Bill: [High-pitched voice] Hello, employee. You look miserable and oppressed.
- Beth: I am. We can't take taxicabs home anymore.
- Bill: Excelent! That's good news to me. You see, I'm from Wis-cahn-sin, where taxicabs are feared and hunted for the delicious meat under their hoods.
- Beth: Comedy...
- Bill: Or tragedy?
- Beth, Bill: You be the judge.
- Matthew Brock: [after Bill scares him and he almost spills his coffee] Nice try, Bill, but you have to wake up pretty early in the morning to...
- Beth: Matthew, do you have the time?
- Matthew Brock: Yeah, it's...
- [Looks at his watch, accidentally spilling his coffee all over his shirt]
- Lisa Miller: I thought I smelled Dave's burning flesh. This is new, having the bitch session in the office of the bitchee.
- Matthew Brock: It's more exciting because it's taboo.
- Lisa Miller: Anyway, I think Dave looks cute in that suit.
- Beth: Oh yeah, almost just like a real grown-up.
- Lisa Miller: No, he really does. He looks like he just stepped out of a Norman Rockwell painting... First Day At Bible College.
- Lisa Miller: [to Dave, who is lying prone on his desk] Are you OK?
- Dave: Yeah, fine. I'm just resting up for that big sale at... Baby Gap.
- Dave: Is that what girlfriends do?
- Lisa Miller: Well, I said you, you looked cute.
- Dave: I just keep trying to figure out in my head, I mean, does she really love me, or is it just the thrill of possibly being picked up on charges of corrupting a minor?
- Dave: [to the staff] You know what? I was a little concerned that I was coming off as, I don't know, an insane Norman Rockwell bible school boy maniac.