- Aunt Shelley: Larry, is that you? It's me, your mom.
- Larry: Huh?
- Aunt Shelley: Well, Vicky has two kids: Mike and Hillary
- Larry: No. I'm the middle child. I'm Larry.
- Aunt Shelley: Oh, Larry. You're my son. Dave and Vicky took you away from me because I was insane.
- [reaches out for a hug]
- Larry: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
- Aunt Shelley: I'm not his mother. I'm just screwing with him. Serves them right for not coming to visit me.
- Dr. Joel Lieber: [about Mike] This is a very difficult thing for a therapist to tell a parent about their child...
- Vicky Gold: Oh, God!
- Dave Gold: What, he's sick? He's really sick?
- Dr. Joel Lieber: Actually, the clinical term is, "Big ****ing Liar."
- Dave Gold: No, no. No therapy. Okay? All those head doctors do is say you have ADD or OCD or NAACP and boom, you're labeled a nut job. And once you start, you can't stop. I'm telling you, Vicky, therapy is like crack for sad people.
- Vicky Gold: [about Mike] You know, between his sleeping and his moods, and that note, you know, we're just very concerned, Doctor. And I'm not one of those parents that, you know, overreacts, but he turned down chocolate-chip pancakes.
- Dr. Joel Lieber: Well, I don't consider therapy overreacting, I just think it's good parenting.
- [cut scene]
- Dr. Joel Lieber: Plus, all I need is one more manic depressive or schizophrenic and I can afford to re-landscape.
- Mike Gold: All right, look, I have to tell you guys the truth. I'm not really depressed, okay? That note you found was a song I tried to write, and I was just trying to get you to buy me stuff.
- Vicky Gold: We know that, you idiot!
- Dave Gold: Yeah, what's the matter with you, huh? How can you do something like that?
- Vicky Gold: You scared us!
- Dave Gold: How are we supposed to know when there's something's really wrong with you, you moron!