- [Fry is being Zoidberg's Cyrano]
- Fry: Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin.
- Dr. Zoidberg: [calling to Edna] You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites?
- Edna: [pleased] Why, yes. Thanks for noticing.
- [Zoidberg is trying to attract a mate]
- Dr. Zoidberg: [screeching] Craw.
- Female: Keep your jelly away from my eggs.
- Dr. Zoidberg: [screeching] Craw.
- Female: [Valley Girl accent] I'm SO not interested.
- Dr. Zoidberg: [screeching] Craw?
- Female: [Black woman accent] Hmph. I've heard THAT line before.
- Fry: Okay, you're on a date. What's the first thing you do?
- Dr. Zoidberg: Ask her to mate with me.
- Fry: No, tell her she's special.
- Dr. Zoidberg: But she's not, she's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs.
- Fry: Well, tell her that. And then?
- Dr. Zoidberg: Then mating.
- Fry: No, make up some feelings and tell her you have them.
- [Dr. Zoidberg raises his hand]
- Fry: Yes?
- Dr. Zoidberg: Is desire to mate a feeling?
- Fry: Ugh, you're not even trying.
- Dr. Zoidberg: Ohhh, it's all so complicated, with the flowers, and the romance, and the lies upon lies.
- [Zoidberg has caught Fry in bed with Edna, a lobster alien]
- Dr. Zoidberg: [enraged] Fry. I challenge you to "clawplach".
- Fry: English, please?
- Dr. Zoidberg: A fight to the death.
- Edna: And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.
- [Fry pauses to think it over, then screams]
- [Fry enters naked into a steam room where Amy and Leela are bathing]
- Fry: Co-ed steam rooms. I LOVE the future.
- Leela: Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room.
- Fry: Ahhh. Fu-tur-istic.
- Amy Wong: [indicating Fry's crotch] Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering.
- Leela: Those poor 20th century women.
- Dr. Zoidberg: Fry, it's been years since medical school, so remind me. Disemboweling in your species, fatal or non-fatal?
- [Dr. Zoidberg is preparing to look for a mate]
- Dr. Zoidberg: How do I look?
- Bender: Like whale barf.
- Dr. Zoidberg: Then the illusion is complete.
- Fry: My fellow fish monsters, far be it for me to question your stupid civilization or its dumb customs, but is squeezing each other's brains out with a giant nutcracker really going to solve anything? Dr. Zoidberg is my friend, and though a woman has come between us, I say we'll always remain friends. You know why? For one reason...
- [Dr. Zoidberg cuts off Fry's arm]
- Fry: You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!
- [begins hitting Zoidberg with his severed arm]
- Amy Wong: And Bender, your beer belly is so big your door won't even close - and that doesn't even make sense.
- Leela: Dr. Zoidberg, this is madness! You're being irrational!
- Dr. Zoidberg: Of course I'm being irrational! I'm in love!
- Leela: Aww.
- Dr. Zoidberg: I used to hang out here as a larva. It looked so much bigger back then.
- [picks up a hermit crab]
- Dr. Zoidberg: Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?
- [eats crab]
- Fry: So you have to choose between life without sex and a hideous, gruesome death?
- Dr. Zoidberg: Yes.
- Fry: Tough call.
- Fry: [Fry is telling Zoidberg what to say to Edna, a female] Tell her you just want to talk, it has nothing to do with mating!
- Dr. Zoidberg: [calling] I just want to talk, it has nothing to do with mating!
- [to Fry]
- Dr. Zoidberg: Fry, that doesn't make sense!
- Edna: [calling] Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense! But OK.
- Fry: People of Decapod 10, far be it from me to criticize your stupid civilization or its dumb customs...!
- Dr. Zoidberg: I want the tactile pleasure in cutting him here...
- [points his claw at Fry's neck]
- Dr. Zoidberg: ...in the gonads.
- Fry: [to crowd] Shhhhhh. Nobody correct him.
- Dr. Zoidberg: Fry, it's been years since medical school, so remind me. Disemboweling in your species, fatal or non-fatal?
- Fry: Fatal.
- Dr. Zoidberg: [holding up wad of cash to Bender] Large bet on myself in round one!
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: We - by which I mean you - will have to rush him to his ancient home world, which will soon erupt in an orgy of invertebrate sex.
- Fry: Oh, baby! I'm THERE!
- Leela: Fry, do you even understand the word "invertebrate"?
- Fry: Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in.
- Fry: Okay, you're on a date. What's the first thing you do?
- Dr. Zoidberg: Ask her to mate with me.
- Fry: No, tell her she's special.
- Dr. Zoidberg: But she's not, she's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs.
- Fry: Well, tell her that. And then what?
- Dr. Zoidberg: Then mating.
- Fry: No, make up some feelings and tell her you have them.
- [Dr. Zoidberg raises his hand]
- Fry: Yes?
- Dr. Zoidberg: Is desire to mate a feeling?
- Fry: Ugh, you're not even trying.
- Dr. Zoidberg: Ohhh, it's all so complicated, with the flowers, and the romance, and the lies upon lies.
- Edna: I heard you went off and became a rich doctor.
- Dr. Zoidberg: [proudly] I've performed a few mercy killings.
- [Edna, one of Zoidberg's species, is chasing Fry romantically]
- Edna: Teach me to love, you squishy poet from beyond the stars.
- Fry: [horrified] I'm flattered, really. If I was gonna do it with a big freaky mud bug, you'd be way up the list.
- Edna: Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.
- Dr. Zoidberg: I'm confused, Fry. I'm feeling a strange new emotion I have never felt before. Is it love when you care for a female for reasons beyond mating?
- Fry: Nope. Must be some weird, alien emotion.
- Bender: [finishing his beer] Ah, Jeez, let's just pray I have the energy to get myself another beer.
- Dr. Zoidberg: The frenzy is over. How am I going to get rid of my male jelly now?
- Fry: [Waves dismembered arm] I'll lend you this.
- Fry: Don't worry. The Lovemeister will take you under his wing.
- Dr. Zoidberg: What? Now there's a bird involved?
- Leela: It's amazing that your people can fall in love so fast.
- Dr. Zoidberg: Love? That word is unknown here. I'm simply looking for a female swollen with eggs to accept my genetic material.
- Fry: You and me both, brother!
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: You must take him to his ancient home world, which will soon erupt in an orgy of invertebrate sex.
- Fry: Oh baby. I'm THERE.
- Leela: Fry, do you even understand the word "invertebrate"?
- Fry: Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in.
- Fry: So you have to choose between life without sex and a hideous, gruesome death?
- Dr. Zoidberg: Yes.
- Fry: Man, tough call.
- [Zoidberg is trying to attract a mate]
- Dr. Zoidberg: [screeching] Craw.
- Female Decapodian: Keep your jelly away from my eggs.
- Dr. Zoidberg: [screeching] Craw.
- Female Decapodian: [Valley Girl accent] I'm *so* not interested.
- Dr. Zoidberg: [screeching] Craw?
- Female Decapodian: [urban accent] Hmph. I've heard *that* line before.
- Fry: Now, ask her how her day was.
- Dr. Zoidberg: Why would I want to know?
- Fry: You wouldn't. Ask anyway!
- Dr. Zoidberg: How was your day?
- Edna: Well, first I got up and had a piece of toast. Then I brushed my teeth. Then I went to the store to buy some fish...
- Dr. Zoidberg: Fry, look what you did! She won't shut up.
- Fry: That's normal. Just nod your head and say 'uh huh'.
- Dr. Zoidberg: Uh huh. Uh huh.
- Edna: And then you threw an octopus at my window!
- Dr. Zoidberg: [Zoidberg reading the toast that Fry has written for him] Edna: Of all the slimy gross crab monsters on this planet, you are apparently the hottest.