The Simpsons (TV Series)
I Married Marge (1991)
Julie Kavner: Marge Simpson, Selma Bouvier, Patty Bouvier, Jacqueline Bouvier
Quotes
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Marge : Homer, I've been thinking and if the baby's a boy, what do you think of the name Larry?
Homer : Marge, we can't do that. All the kids will call him Larry Fairy.
Marge : Well, how about Louie?
Homer : They'll call him Screwy Louie.
Marge : Bob?
Homer : Slob.
Marge : Luke?
Homer : Puke.
Marge : Marcus?
Homer : Mucus.
Marge : What about Bart?
Homer : Let's see. Bart, Cart, Dart, E-art... nope, can't see any problem with that
[seemingly forgetting that "fart" would come next]
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Homer : Bart, Lisa, come here for a minute. You know, son, the day you were born, I received the greatest gift a man could have. As the years went by, your mother and I were blessed twice more, and not a day goes by that we don't thank God for all three of you.
Marge : [Marge enters] Homer, I'm not pregnant!
Homer : Yeah! Whoo! Excellent, Marge!
Marge : Yes!
[They high five each other]
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Dr. Hibbert : Perhaps this pamphlet will prove helpful.
Marge : [reading] "So You've Ruined Your Life"...
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Homer : [as Marge goes into labor] Step aside. I'll deliver this baby.
Dr. Hibbert : Uh, why don't you let me handle it, Homer?
Homer : Oh, college boy, eh?
[Squares up to Dr. Hibbert]
Marge : Homer, for God's sakes, let him deliver the baby!
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Marge : "Barnacle Bill's Home Pregnancy Test"? Homer, shouldn't we have gone with a better-known brand?
Homer : But Marge, this one came with a free corncob pipe!
Marge : Okay, let's see. "Ahoy mateys! If the water turns blue, a baby for you. If purple ye see, no baby thar be."
Homer : Well, what color is it? Blue or purple?
Marge : Pink.
Homer : D'oh!
Marge : Hmm. "If ye test should fail, to a doctor set sail."
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Homer : Marge, there's something that I wanna to ask you, but I'm afraid, because if you say no, it will destroy me and make me a criminal.
Marge : Well, I haven't said no to you lately, have I?
Homer : Marge, I... damnit, where's that card?
[looking around]
Marge : What card?
Homer : Ohn I wrote down what I was going to say on a card. Stupid thing must have fallen out of my pocket.
[He turns and hunches over the seat, rooting around the floor of the back of the car, and honking the horn with his feet. Marge picks up a card]
Marge : Is this it?
Homer : What's it say?
Marge : [reading] "Marge, from the first moment I saw you I never wanted to be with anyone else. I don't have much to offer you except all of my love. Will you marry me?"
Homer : That's the card, give it here.
Marge : Oh, Homer. This is the most beautiful moment of my life!
Homer : So... will you marry me?
Marge : ...Yes!
Homer : WOO HOO! WOO HOO! Yeah! She's gonna to marry me! In your face, everybody! WOO HOO!
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Selma : Marge, I've got two and a half words for you: Gulp 'N Blow.
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Homer : [Knocking on door] Marge! Marge!
Jacqueline Bouvier : You're a little late. She's gone to the hospital.
Homer : The hospital?
Jacqueline Bouvier : I'll drive you.
Homer : Thanks, Mom.
Jacqueline Bouvier : Don't *ever* call me that.