Malcolm in the Middle (TV Series)

Lois Battles Jamie (2005)

Jane Kaczmarek: Lois

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lois : [about Jamie]  He's absolutely the worst kid we have ever had!

  Hal : Oh, you say that with every kid. Let's face it, Lois. It's just the hand we were dealt. God just doesn't like us. That doesn't make us bad people.

• Lois : Jamie, this is ridiculous! You'll eat dead bugs out of the zapper, for God's sake, why won't you eat your peas?

• Lois : You know what, Hal? I'm done. I give up.

  Hal : What are you talking about?

  Lois : Jamie wins. He beat me. All those years, all those terrible things those kids have done. It doesn't make me stronger, it's just worn me down. Like termites eating away at a house, until all that's holding up is paint. I'm just paint, Hal. Jamie knows it. You'll do a better job than I can. I trust you.

  Hal : No, no, no. No-no-no-no-no-no! You can't leave me alone with those kids! We had a deal, Lois! You are in charge of the spiritual and emotional development, discipline and scary injuries. I kill spiders, mark their heights on the door frames and supply car snacks. You walk out now and the whole system falls apart!

• Lois : [In a flashback of when Francis was young] 

  [after seeing Francis pouring lighter fluid into a cup] 

  Lois : Fire... is... dangerous.

  [starts the fireplace and throws Francis's teddy bear into it] 

  Lois : Fire can hurt you. Fire can kill you. I will not let that happen. Let me make one thing clear. I love you and I will do whatever I have to to take care of you, and keep you safe and happy and alive. I don't care if you grow up to hate me, but you will understand this: I will... do... anything. That is how much I love you.

• Lois : [to Jamie]  You do not pinch, you do not poke, you do not bite, you do not spit, you do not eye gouge, you do not vomit intentionally on other babies!

  [as she carries Jamie over to Malcolm, Reese and Dewey] 

  Lois : A lifetime ban from Gymboree! A lifetime ban!