- Homer, Bart Simpson: [singing in the car] On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese, I lost my poor meatball...
- Marge: If you don't mind, we're on our way to a funeral!
- Homer: [singing] Ding-dong, the witch is dead!
- Bart Simpson: Which old witch?
- Homer: The Wicked Witch!
- [during a video will from Great-Aunt Gladys]
- Great-Aunt Gladys: Now, let's get down to business...
- Lionel Hutz: [dubbed in] To my executor, Lionel Hutz, I leave $50,000.
- Marge: MR. HUTZ!
- Lionel Hutz: You'd be surprised how often that works. You really would.
- [Homer has gotten food poisoning]
- Marge: You look terrible.
- Homer: I don't care. I'm going to Duff Gardens!
- [he stands, then collapses and crawls out the door on his hand and knees. Cut to in the car, where he is shivering in the driver's seat, wrapped in a blanket]
- Homer: So c-c-c-old...
- Marge: Your lips are turning blue. I think you'd better stay home.
- Homer: No! Duff Gardens... hurrah!
- [he passes out and hits the steering wheel, blaring the horn]
- Patty Bouvier: He's hugging us - what do we do?
- [as Homer hugs both of them at the same time]
- Selma Bouvier: Just close your eyes and think of MacGyver.
- Selma Bouvier: [after Selma had a poor date with Hans, and visualizing ugly and blind children; disgusted by his grotesque lips] Yuck! Get outta my car.
- [drives off without him]
- Hans Moleman: This isn't my house.
- Marge: Kids, your Great-Aunt Gladys has... passed on.
- Bart Simpson: Gladys, Gladys... 'bout yea high, blue hair, big dent in her forehead?
- Marge: No, honey, Gladys looked more like your Aunt Patty.
- Bart Simpson: [thinks, then shudders] Oh yeah, there she is.