- Mr. Pickering: You only want to go to France for the lenient sex laws. Although, in your case, that just means you can do more things to yourself.
- Andy: That is not why I want to go. I'm a writer. I've always wanted to visit the country of Camus, Sartre, Foucault.
- [pronounced 'foo-koh']
- Mr. Pickering: What did you say to me?
- Andy: You heard me.
- Andy: [narrating] It's raining. That's all you need to know so far.
- Byron Togler: This is the wettest I've ever been.
- Andy: You know, I've always wanted to hear someone say that. But not you.
- Keith Richards: Hi, fellows.
- Andy: How come you're not wet?
- Keith Richards: I don't believe in getting wet.
- Byron Togler: How come you're so tanned?
- Keith Richards: I believe in getting tanned.
- Andy: [narrating] That's the last straw. Nobody mocks the way I mock the French. I'm not gonna lay down and let Byron steal my trip from me. One thing about us Richters: we don't lie down and let people steal trips from us. It's really like the only thing we're proud of.
- Andy: Jessica, I can take Bootsy to the groomers tomorrow, I can do it during my lunchbreak.
- Byron Togler: Oh that's perfect, because I was gonna take Jessica to lunch tomorrow.
- Andy: Well that works out great because I was gonna buy Jessica some pants to wear to lunch tomorrow!
- Wendy McKay: See ya at lunch, monkey.
- Keith Richards: [Keith is having trouble coming up with a nickname for Wendy] I can't wait... dummy.
- Wendy McKay: What? Did you just call me dummy?
- Keith Richards: Well, I didn't mean dumb like in, eh,stupid, I meant it like a cute little ventriloquists, eh, dummy.
- Wendy McKay: Why would you call me a ventriloquist dummy?
- Keith Richards: Alright, the truth is, I was feeling dumb because I couldn't think of anything and that's what was on my mind.
- Wendy McKay: Yeah, well, keep working on it, Slick.
- [walks off]
- Keith Richards: Slick? She's so good at this!
- Andy: [narrating] Here I was, facing a problem as old as civilization itself. How to catch a drunk cat in the ceiling so I can go to France.
- Andy: Stop trying to steal my trip from me!
- Byron Togler: I'm not trying to steal your trip from you.
- Andy: Oh yeah! Well, then what was all that "soouu soouu soouu" and "fouu fouu fouu" and "bliblly bibbly" stuff?
- Byron Togler: [sarcastic] Oh, Andy! That's good! When you give your presentation in France, you should open with that, because if there's anything the French LOVE, it's when you mock their language!