Dean Collins: Mike Gold

Quotes 

• Dave : So did you break up with Heidi?

  Mike : No, dad. I didn't break up with Heidi.

  Dave : What?! You didn't listen to me?

  Mike : Dad, no offence but I pretty much don't listen to anything you say ever.

  Dave : What?

  Mike : Well, you know, I listen for key words like "Dinner's ready" or "allowance" or "FIRE!" but the rest is just background noise.

• [Dave walks in on his 13-year-old son Mike, who is heavily making out with his girlfriend] 

  Dave : Mike, whoa...

  Mike : Jeez, Dad, can you knock?

  Dave : Yeah, sorry. I forgot there was a reason *to* knock now, y'know, besides the old reason. Not that I ever walked in on him when he was...

  Dave : [to Mike's girlfriend]  How are ya, nice to meet ya.