- Stan Smith: [Stan and Roger open the bedroom door and find Steve laying on the bed reading while a line of guys take turns feeling his breast] Oh my god! My son's a slut!
- Roger the Alien: Oh my god! I just made that bed!
- Francine Smith: How humiliating. Hayley made me look like a total idiot.
- Stan Smith: Honey, you're not a total idiot. I mean, you got the point of the film, right?
- Roger the Alien: [to Francine] You're a terrible cleaner. Look at this place, it's filthy!
- [makes a stain on Francine's apron]
- Roger the Alien: Yeah, that's a big dirty "S" for "schmutz."
- Stan Smith: Steve, I can't believe you're here! The Schwartztein's house is going off! It's like a damn Ludacris video: pimp cups, shorties. It's all crunked out.
- Hayley Smith: My film was the biggest hit in Groff Community College history. I got a "check plus-plus". That's like a "C" at Arizona State.
- Steve Smith: Dad, face it. I'm never gonna be popular like Vince Chung.
- Stan Smith: Don't say that! Don't ever say that! Don't you see, son? Everything's better when you're popular. Colors are brighter, jeans fit snugger. You know when you put a piece of Juicy Fruit in your mouth and for the first five seconds, it tastes so sweet and perfect like someone sprayed a little miracle on your tongue? Well, that's what being popular is like, but all the time.
- Steve Smith: [to Stan] Damn your experimental steroids!
- Stan Smith: It's okay, son. You're experiencing a perfectly natural side effect called "roid rage."
- Steve Smith: Oh, I'm experiencing a side effect, all right.
- [opens up his bathrobe to reveal he has breasts]
- Steve Smith: I have boobs!
- Stan Smith: Oh, my God!
- Klaus: I know. Talk about a butterface.
- Stan Smith: [to Steve after he gets breasts from the steroids] Let's not panic. The CIA scientist gets back from vacation in a few days, so until I get the antidote, we have to keep your magnificient ta-tas underwraps.
- Steve Smith: What am I supposed to do now?
- Stan Smith: Strap 'em down with these Ace bandages. It's what Hilary Swank used to hide her breasts in "Boys Don't Cry." You know, that movie where she got what she deserved.
- [Steve gasps]
- Stan Smith: An Oscar! And brutally sodomized...
- Steve Smith: Dad!
- Stan Smith: In a review by Derek Simms of the Detroit Free Press. Steve, is this really the time for showbiz trivia? You've got breasts!
- Francine Smith: Man, these hours are brutal. No wonder those doctors on "Scrubs" don't have time to be funny.