The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

All About Eavesdropping (1963)

Dick Van Dyke: Rob Petrie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Laura Petrie : I mean, after all, where would the world be today, Rob, if it weren't for experiments. We wouldn't be on the moon today!

  Rob Petrie : We're not on the moon.

  Laura Petrie : That's beside the point.

• [in a game of Charades, Jerry and Rob try to guess a song title, responding to Laura's violent pantomimes] 

  Jerry Helper : The whole thing? Okay. Uh, march!

  Rob Petrie : Yeah. Walk. Stomp! Stomp all over people! Walk all over people! Goose step! Treachery. Treachery. Two-faced. Two-faced. Stab! Stab in the back, stab in the back!

  [Laura points to Millie and Jerry] 

  Jerry Helper : Uh... Uh, point! Point! Finger! Finger!

  Rob Petrie : Accuse, indict, uh, malicious accusory.

  [Laura grabs Millie and Jerry's faces] 

  Rob Petrie : Two-faced, that's right. Pearl Harbor! I GOT IT!

  Jerry Helper : What is it?

  Rob Petrie : "On the Street Where You Live!"

  Laura Petrie : Right!

  Jerry Helper : [snatching up the paper with the answer]  Hey, that IS right!

• Jerry Helper : Hey, Rob, let's play "Who Am I", huh? Who am I?

  Rob Petrie : We gave you that vase, too.

  Jerry Helper : I know, I know, thanks. Who am I?

  Rob Petrie : [muttering]  You're not Eleanor Roosevelt, I'll tell you that for sure.

  Jerry Helper : Come on. Who am I? Let's play. What do you say, Rob?

  Millie Helper : [long, uncomfortable pause]  Let's play charades!

  Jerry Helper : Charades! Everybody loves charades! Hey, I got it. Laura, Rob and I, we'll be on one team, and Millie, Sally and Buddy, you're on the other.

  Millie Helper : Charades all right, Rob? Laura?

  Laura Petrie : It's your house.

  Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : You didn't give them the house?

• Rob Petrie : I'm no Albert Schweitzer, huh? Well, he's no Eleanor Roosevelt.

• Sally Rogers : Gee, what a beautiful ashtray!

  Buddy Sorrell : Gorgeous, gorgeous!

  Sally Rogers : Yes.

  Laura Petrie : We gave them that ashtray. We gave them this lamp, too.

  Rob Petrie : No special reason, just in friendship.

  Laura Petrie : That's right.

  Sally Rogers : [long, uncomfortable pause]  BOY, this is a beautiful ashtray!

• Rob Petrie : Hey, Honey, will you bring me a handkerchief?

  Laura Petrie : [calling from bedroom]  We're only going next door.

  Rob Petrie : I can... I can run back here and blow my nose, I guess.

• Laura Petrie : [to Rob after answering phone]  It's them.

  Rob Petrie : They're calling to apologize.

  Laura Petrie : [sarcastic tone]  Yeah.

  [puzzled] 

  Laura Petrie : Apologize for what?

  Rob Petrie : Well, because, uh... they... didn't know what we heard, but they are guilty because they know they said it, even though they didn't know that we know, you know?

  Laura Petrie : What?

  Rob Petrie : You unscramble it. There's a good sentence in there somewhere.

• Laura Petrie : What're you gonna do with the wine?

  Rob Petrie : Well, if, uh, we're gonna go next door and, uh, swallow our pride and eat some crow, we'd better have some good wine to wash it down with.

• Rob Petrie : If you can't say nasty things about your best friends at home, where can you?

• Jerry Helper : Do, uh... do you say nasty things about us?

  Rob Petrie : Well, let me, uh, put it this way, Jerry - we say less nasty things about you than we do about any of our other neighbors.

• Rob Petrie : [playing some Bach on the piano]  I'm no Albert Schweitzer, huh?

• Rob Petrie : Accusing you of leaving something out of a recipe! You know what that is? It's malicious accusory!

• Laura Petrie : Just another minute, dear.

  Rob Petrie : Laura, every minute here is one minute less we get to eat and dance and play games!

  Laura Petrie : We're only going next door!

• Laura Petrie : Rob, it's wrong to eavesdrop, turn it off.

  Rob Petrie : It's just a toy, we're not eavesdropping... we're playing!

• Rob Petrie : I hope they never put a woman on a rocket. 'Countdown to liftoff, 5, 4-' 'Just another minute, dear!'

• Rob Petrie : [trips on Richie's toy car]  Ow! At least it was an ambulance. Laura, why are Richie's toys left out in the middle of the floor? I could've gotten killed.

  Laura Petrie : [from the bedroom]  Just another minute, dear.