- Jim Halpert: Hey, can I talk to you about something?
- Pam Beesley: About when you want to give me more of your money?
- Jim Halpert: No, I...
- Pam Beesley: Did you want to do that now? We can go inside. I'm feeling kind of good tonight.
- Jim Halpert: I was just... I'm in love with you.
- Pam Beesley: [No longer smiling] What?
- Jim Halpert: I'm really sorry if that's weird for you to hear, but I needed you to hear it. Probably not good timing, I know that. I just...
- Pam Beesley: [Stunned] What are you doing? What do you expect me to say to that?
- Jim Halpert: I just needed you to know. Once.
- Pam Beesley: Well, I... I... I can't.
- Jim Halpert: Yeah.
- Pam Beesley: You have no idea...
- Jim Halpert: Don't do that.
- Pam Beesley: ...what your friendship means to me.
- Jim Halpert: Come on. I don't want to do that. I wanna be more than that.
- Pam Beesley: I can't.
- [a small tear runs down Jim's face]
- Pam Beesley: I'm really sorry if you misinterpreted things. It's probably my fault.
- Jim Halpert: [Trying to recover] Not your fault. I'm sorry I misinterpreted our friendship.
- Michael Scott: Oh, and another fun thing. We, at the end of the night, are going to give the check to an actual group of Boy Scouts. Right, Toby? We're gonna...
- Toby: Actually, I didn't think it was appropriate to invite children since it's... You know, there's gambling and alcohol, and it's in our dangerous warehouse and it's a school night... And, you know, Hooters is catering. You know, is that enough? Should I keep going?
- Michael Scott: Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.
- Pam Beesley: Sometimes I don't put Michael through until he's already said something. I look at it as a practice run for him. He usually does better on the second attempt.
- Michael Scott: I am no longer your boss. Lady Fortune is your boss.
- Stanley: Will Lady Fortune give me a raise?
- Michael Scott: Shut it, shut it, shut it.
- Toby: I don't really play cards, but I'm not going to lie to you. It felt really good to take money from Michael. Gonna chase that feeling.
- Michael Scott: There are certain topics that are off-limits to comedians: JFK, AIDS, the Holocaust. The Lincoln Assassination just recently became funny. I need to see this play like I need a hole in the head. And I hope to someday live in a world where a person could tell a hilarious AIDS joke. It's one of my dreams.
- Michael Scott: Okay, you know what? I will not donate my winnings to Comic Relief, since apparently, it doesn't exist. I am going to donate to Afghanistanis with AIDS.
- Jim Halpert: Nope. I think you mean the aid to Afghanistan.
- Michael Scott: No, I mean Afghanistanis with AIDS.
- Phyllis: Afghani.
- Michael Scott: What?
- Phyllis: Afghani.
- Michael Scott: That's a dog.
- Pam Beesley: No, that's Afghan.
- Michael Scott: That's a shawl.
- Dwight Schrute: Wait, canine AIDS?
- Michael Scott: No. Humans with AIDS.
- Creed: Who has AIDS?
- Jim Halpert: Guys, the Afghanistananies.
- Michael Scott: Okay, you know what? No. No. AIDS is not funny. Believe me, I have tried.
- Michael Scott: Hey, Carol, how goes the real estate biz? Is it real good?
- Pam Beesley: It's still me.
- Darryl: [explaining to Michael why he doesn't want fire-eaters in the warehouse for Casino Night] We just have a lot of stuff down there that could be stolen.
- Michael Scott: That's ironic.
- Darryl: What?
- Michael Scott: That *you* are afraid.
- Darryl: Why? 'Cause I'm from the hood?
- Michael Scott: Dinkin flicka.
- Darryl: [to film crew] I taught Mike some phrases to help him with his interracial conversations. You know, stuff like, "Fleece it out." "Going mach five." "Dinkin flicka." You know, things us Negroes say.
- Michael Scott: Give me some.
- [Mike and Darryl do choreographed handshake]
- Darryl: [laughing] Oh, yeah, I taught him a handshake, too.
- Dwight Schrute: I'm Michael's wing man. I've got his back. Two dates. He's got two dates tonight. My job is to keep Jan away from Carol and vice versa. Michael said, "We must deceive them, so as not to hurt them, and in that way, we honor them."
- Ryan Howard: One beer and one Seven and Seven with eight maraschino cherries, sugar on the rim, blended if you can.
- Jim Halpert: So, that's still going on, huh? You and Kelly?
- Jim Halpert: Excuse me. How long is the wait for a table for two?
- Dwight Schrute: I would never, ever serve you. Not in a million, billion years.
- Pam Beesley: It's a nice tux.
- Dwight Schrute: I know. It belonged to my grandfather. He was buried in it, so family heirloom.
- Michael Scott: Why are you here?
- Dwight Schrute: When Darryl was coming, you said you wanted me here for protection.
- Michael Scott: Not. I said, not that.
- Michael Scott: Love triangle. Drama. All worked out in the end, though. The hero got the girl. Who saw that coming? I did.
- Michael Scott: Jan and I understand each other. The romance thing is sort of on hold for the time being, but we've remained good friends. Good friends with privileges. Not now, someday.
- Pam Beesley: [on the phone] About 10 minutes ago. No, I didn't know what to say. Yes, I know. I don't know, Mom, he's my best friend. Yeah, he's great. Yeah, I think I am.
- [Jim walks in]
- Pam Beesley: Um, I have to go. I will.
- [Pam ends the call]
- Pam Beesley: Listen, Jim...
- [Jim kisses Pam]
- Dwight Schrute: [In response to Jim's claims of childhood telekinesis] I don't believe you. Continue.