- Captain Walker D.Plank: Well, if Bond wants to join the party, let's light a candle for him!
- [Jaws fires a missile in James' direction]
- Bilge: [to the prisoners] Captain Plank always takes good care of his prisoners. Before he... takes care of' em!
- [makes the throat-slashing gesture]
- Captain Walker D.Plank: It's a pleasure to see you, Bond. A pleasure to see you at the end of my sword that is.
- Coach Mitchell: Good golfing is a tradition at Warfield, so I'm sure the four of you will do your best to win this tournament.
- Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter: Are you sure I can't be in the foursome, Mr.Mitchell? I'm really a pro when it comes to hitting the ball past ol' spin windmills!
- Coach Mitchell: That's miniature golf, Gordo. There aren't any windmills on this course.
- Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter: Oh... hey, how about the little castles with the drawbridge that goes up and down, huh?
- [Mr.Mitchell shakes his head]
- Trevor Noseworthy IV: Obviously Mr.Mitchell is interested in winning this tournament, Gordo, that's why he put me in the foursome. I happen to come from a long line of golfers.
- [Trevor places a ball on a golf tee and tries to hit it. Instead, he hits a piece of dirt, which flies away and lands on Mitchell's head]
- Phoebe Farragut: You sure you don't come from a long line of gardeners, Trevor?
- Trevor Noseworthy IV: [touchy] Hmm, obviously you've never seen a practice swing before.
- Trevor Noseworthy IV: [seeing IQ's microwave-guided smart balls] Hmm, with a gadget like that I could be a professional before you could say mashie niblick.
- Horace 'IQ' Boothroyd: [realizing Trevor has stolen his invention to win the golf tournament] Why, that little cheat! He's been using my smart ball!
- James Bond Jr.: Well, we'll just have to swop it with a dumb ball!