Home Movies (TV Series)

Shore Leave (2002)

H. Jon Benjamin: Coach John McGuirk, Jason Penopolis, Perry, Various

Quotes 

• Coach McGuirk : Now you made your bed, now you go sleep on it!

  Melissa Robbins : You mean 'sleep in it'?

  Coach McGuirk : Sleep *on* it, Melissa. And you tell the Fairy Princesses I said go to Hell...

  [Coach walks away] 

  Melissa Robbins : Coach, please!

  Coach McGuirk : ...where they belong!

• Coach McGuirk : I'm not going to play your game, Melissa. But I'll tell you something: I told you so. Alright? Chalk that up in the 'I told you so' department.

  Melissa Robbins : But coach, I never wanted to do this.

  Coach McGuirk : Oh yeah yeah, cry me a river. I was right and you were wrong, now you're miserable and that's good. Why am I so satisfied about that?

• Coach McGuirk : Give me those wings.

  Melissa Robbins : I can't, I'm not allowed to take them off.

  [Coach McGuirk grabs the wings from the Melissa's costume and puts them on] 

  Coach McGuirk : So what! Coach wants to wear 'em. Coach wants to fly away.

  Melissa Robbins : Coach, are you drunk?

  Coach McGuirk : Yeah, that's why I came to the mall!

  Melissa Robbins : Oh, did we have a game today?

• Jason : [into a walkie-talkie]  Look, I'm just happy everybody's safe. Safety is the most important thing in the world.

  Coach McGuirk : Brendan! Make this kid stop talking through that thing before I break it.

  Jason : Brendan... make this guy kiss my ass, and then put on some deodorant... because of the stink coming from him.

  [McGuirk smashes the walkie-talkie]