- Coach McGuirk: Now you made your bed, now you go sleep on it!
- Melissa Robbins: You mean 'sleep in it'?
- Coach McGuirk: Sleep *on* it, Melissa. And you tell the Fairy Princesses I said go to Hell...
- [Coach walks away]
- Melissa Robbins: Coach, please!
- Coach McGuirk: ...where they belong!
- Coach McGuirk: I'm not going to play your game, Melissa. But I'll tell you something: I told you so. Alright? Chalk that up in the 'I told you so' department.
- Melissa Robbins: But coach, I never wanted to do this.
- Coach McGuirk: Oh yeah yeah, cry me a river. I was right and you were wrong, now you're miserable and that's good. Why am I so satisfied about that?
- [Brendon is at Fenton's, unwillingly, for a sleepover]
- Brendon: Let's watch TV.
- Fenton Mulley: Very funny. No TV, Mom says.
- Brendon: What?
- Fenton's Mom: 6:30, boys. Time for bed.
- Brendon: What?
- Fenton Mulley: Come on, Bren-Bren, let's do something with our hair.
- Brendon: WHAT?
- Fenton's Mom: Get your pajamas on, boys.
- Brendon: WHAT?
- Coach McGuirk: Give me those wings.
- Melissa Robbins: I can't, I'm not allowed to take them off.
- [Coach McGuirk grabs the wings from the Melissa's costume and puts them on]
- Coach McGuirk: So what! Coach wants to wear 'em. Coach wants to fly away.
- Melissa Robbins: Coach, are you drunk?
- Coach McGuirk: Yeah, that's why I came to the mall!
- Melissa Robbins: Oh, did we have a game today?
- Jason: [into a walkie-talkie] Look, I'm just happy everybody's safe. Safety is the most important thing in the world.
- Coach McGuirk: Brendan! Make this kid stop talking through that thing before I break it.
- Jason: Brendan... make this guy kiss my ass, and then put on some deodorant... because of the stink coming from him.
- [McGuirk smashes the walkie-talkie]
- Direction: Brendon is eating dinner, consisting of a white mush, at Fenton's house.
- Fenton Mulley: Do you like it Brendon?
- Brendon: Uh, yeah.
- Fenton Mulley: You don't look like you like it. I don't think he likes it, Mom.
- Brendon: Um, what is it that we're eating?
- Fenton Mulley: Rice!
- Brendon: Yeah, but what's the flavor?
- Fenton Mulley: Rice flavored!
- Brendon: That's... that's what I thought I was tasting...