The Pink Panther 2 (2009)

Philip Goodwin: Renard

Quotes 

• Dreyfus : [Chief Inspector Dreyfus is talking on the phone while his portrait is hung over the newly-installed security system]  Right.

  Dreyfus : [Dreyfus hangs up]  Are you finished yet?

  Security Installer : Complete and operational.

  Renard : Chief Inspector, your new system will monitor and record every word and every movement in this room.

  Dreyfus : So, uh, if anyone breaks in, what happens?

  Renard : Your office is linked to the elite Black Berets; they will be here in seconds.

  Woman on intercom : [the intercom buzzes]  Sir, Inspector Clouseau is here to see you.

  Dreyfus : Send him in.

  Renard : Clouseau?

  Dreyfus : I have to appoint him to the Dream Team.

  Renard : Clouseau?

  Dreyfus : [stammers]  Dont, don't ask, don't-...

  Insp. Jacques Clouseau : [Clouseau enters Dreyfus's office]  Good afternoon, Chief Inspector, I'm here with my report.

  Insp. Jacques Clouseau : [Clouseau's file folder gets caught up in his Medal of Honor ribbon; he pronounces the 'H' in honor instead of the usual silent 'H' French pronunciation]  This darn Medal of Honor! You are so fortunate you never got one, Chief Inspector. You look so tidy having no honors or other forms of distinguishing décor.

  Dreyfus : Why don't you wear it under your shirt; you know, out of sight?

  Insp. Jacques Clouseau : Brilliant idea, Chief Inspector; that way, it won't clang around. Now, the parking ticket situation. Over the last 6 weeks, I've given out almost 4 parking tickets: one at the Musée, overtime, and one, you'll recall, to you, in violation of the bent license plate law.

  Dreyfus : Yes, I recall.

  Insp. Jacques Clouseau : It's all there in the report.

  Dreyfus : Fascinating! Well, I shall waste no time in reading it.

  Insp. Jacques Clouseau : And just in case, I've deftly catalogued, numbered, and cross-referenced each offense here in my little black book.

  Dreyfus : Now Clouseau, you remember... when I first put you on that parking ticket detail...

  Insp. Jacques Clouseau : Yes; you explained it was a top-level assignment.

  Dreyfus : And that if anyone ever asked you if I was the one who had assigned you to this incredibly important mission, you would deny it?

  Insp. Jacques Clouseau : [Clouseau acts as though he was denying any involvement in the assignment]  Why Chief Inspector, I don't even know what you are talking about.

  Dreyfus : [Clouseau jokingly winks at Dreyfus in acknowledgement]  Good work, Clouseau.

• Dreyfus : What - How did you know that we were being recorded?

  Insp. Jacques Clouseau : Ah, easy, Inspector: this pen emits a small 'bipping' noise whenever it detects 'meecrowaves'. Radio Shack, $12.

  Dreyfus : What - How did you know the password?

  Insp. Jacques Clouseau : This little LED chip decodes passwords; I had it attached to the back of my Medal of 'Hon-nor'.

  Renard : Radio Shack?

  Insp. Jacques Clouseau : [Clouseau takes what appears to be a small tape recorder from his pocket]  eBay; I got this there, too. What do you think this is?

  Renard : A tape recorder?

  Insp. Jacques Clouseau : No. It only looks like a tape recorder; it's actually a pen.

  Renard : So you can write with it, and no one will know.

  Insp. Jacques Clouseau : Bingo!

• Dreyfus : Now, to, uh... to business.

  Dreyfus : [Clouseau holds his pen in the air, it makes a slight beeping sound]  I have been, uh, instructed to re-assign you to...

  Dreyfus : [the beeping sound grows stronger]  Clouseau? Clouseau...

  Dreyfus : [Clouseau starts tossing his pen and objects from Dreyfus's desk at the security cameras and ripping Dreyfus's portrait to remove the tape recorder]  Aahhhh...

  Insp. Jacques Clouseau : We were being recorded!

  Renard : [Dreyfus whimpers as the Black Berets break through Dreyfus's office windows]  The Black Berets!

  Black Beret : [yelling]  The password! What is the password?

  Dreyfus : I don't know!

  Black Beret : [the agent subdues Dreyfus for interrogation]  Four! Three!

  Renard : We weren't yet told!

  Black Beret : Two! One!

  Insp. Jacques Clouseau : [Clouseau looks at the back of his Medal of Honor and mispronounces "Hamburger"]  Amburgar!

  Black Beret : Have a nice day.

  [the agents leave Dreyfus's office] 

  Dreyfus : The password was "hamburger"?

  Insp. Jacques Clouseau : No, "amburgar".

  Dreyfus : I said "hamburger".

  Insp. Jacques Clouseau : [repeating Dreyfus's mispronunciation]  No, you said "amburger".

  Dreyfus : Amburger?

  Insp. Jacques Clouseau : No, "am-bur-grr".