Two Days in Paris (2007)

Adam Goldberg: Jack

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Quotes 

• Jack : A blow job is actually a big political event in the grand scheme of things. After all it was a blow job that destroyed any chance at a healthy democracy.

• Jack : Um, so what's the deal, man?

  Marion : What?

  Jack : That guy was looking at you like you were a big leg of lamb. It's like he had the fork and the knife and the bib.

  Marion : I am a big leg of lamb.

  Jack : I know, but you're my leg of lamb. How do you know him?

  Marion : Well, we met many years ago, and we had a little thing. I think I gave... I gave him a blowjob. No big deal.

  Jack : Really? A blowjob's no big deal?

  Marion : Oh, I'm sorry.

  Jack : I'm all right.

  Marion : No I mean, it's no big deal in comparison to what's going on in the world. You know, there's George Bush, the war in Iraq, there's Avian flu and then there's a blowjob. You know what I mean?

  Jack : Right, right.

  Marion : In consideration, it's...

  Jack : Nice transition.

  Marion : It's a pretty minor event. Don't you think?

  Jack : I would actually say it's not a minor event... if you wanna start talking in the grander political scheme of things. If you think about it,it was a blowjob after all, that brought down America's last chance at a healthy democracy.

• Marion : Ugghhh

  [Jack removes Marion's glasses] 

  Marion : I can't see you. I could be having sex with Gregory Peck or something.

  Jack : Well, good for you.

• Jack : Can I use this thermometer?

  [puts it in the mouth] 

  Marion : I usually don't use this one in the mouth. I mean...

  Jack : Oh, come on! What is wrong with you?

  Marion : What? It's a french thermometer.

  Jack : Are you 5? You still use the thermometer up your ass?

• Jack : I'm a huge Val Kilmer fan.

• Jack : This isn't Paris. This is hell.

• Jack : Great, we get to eat the little bunny's food too.

• American tourist : I think the French are so rude.

  Jack : I know. It's a cliché but it's true.

• Marion : You know why people are attracted to one other? Cos people with very different immune systems are attracted to one other so the offspring, the baby, will have a stronger immune system with the combination of the two immune systems.

  [Jack pretends to snore] 

  Marion : Don't snore! It's important!

  Jack : Oh!, No! Yeh! No! I was saying the same thing!

• Jack : My first religion is private property. Don't trespass. Don't touch my shit.

• Manu : [Talking about Marion, Jack's girlfriend]  She told you we used to be together?

  Jack : Yes.

  Manu : But it was, like, 1 5 years ago, so it's no big deal at all, really. She was 19. I gave her her first orgasm through intercourse... Oh, no, this is rude. I know when I'm rude, this is rude. I'm sorry about that.

  Jack : Oh, no, no, no. Hey, look, you paved the way for the rest of us, right?