Metalocalypse (TV Series)
Birthdayface (2006)
Tommy Blacha: Toki Wartooth, William Murderface, Dr. Rockso
Quotes
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Skwisgaar Skwigelf : This is a complete and total, you know, sausage festival.
Toki Wartooth : I love sausage festival!
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : What?
Toki Wartooth : Like in Vienna.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : No - no, Toki, that *was* a sausage festival.
Toki Wartooth : Yeah, that was good.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Yeah. It was the Vienna pork saus - um, no, this means that there's no good-looking ladies to put you-know-what intoside of them.
Toki Wartooth : The sausage?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : [short pause] Yeah. Anyway, what were you talking about, like, a second ago? I'm sorry I cut you off.
Toki Wartooth : Oh, I gots to make something for Murderface. I gonna make him a macaroni murder lady.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : I'm sure he'll hate that. Eh, pardon me.
[he walks away]
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Pickles the Drummer : Hey douchebag!
[car is lowered down]
Pickles the Drummer : Happy birthday!
Nathan Explosion : Well what do you think?
Toki Wartooth : Big fat tires and everything!
William Murderface : But I already got, like, a million limos.
Pickles the Drummer : Dude, not like this one. This is the limo that Kennedy got his brains smashed open in with a bullet.
Nathan Explosion : It's all souped up... and desecrated.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Yeah, dude, and the driver's seat is the chair from, like, where President Wrinkloln was shot. And assassinated in.
Pickles the Drummer : And... you're entered in the first ever Dethklok Dethmolition Klok-a-matae Deth Derby!
Toki Wartooth : And I made you this macaroni murder lady! What used to be the red hots were the blood, but I ates them.
William Murderface : You mean I get to destroy United States history... literally?
[sheds a bloody tear]
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Nathan Explosion : And now, the blackest present for the most brutal of all bass players...
[empty box drops from ceiling]
Nathan Explosion : Nothing!
William Murderface : Awww you suck! You all suck!
[walks off stage]
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Oh yeah? How bout you go play records backwards and go kill yourself?
Pickles the Drummer : Hey fatso, we got your favourite thing: disappointment!
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Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Hey Pickle, tell Murderface what you just told me about that guy.
Pickles the Drummer : Oh, right.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : It's hilarious.
Pickles the Drummer : That dude he headbutted? That guy was a Danish prince! Can you believe that?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : [disgustedly] Pfft. The Dutch.
Pickles the Drummer : Oh, check it out, he's got a brain contusion and a fractured skull. Oh, and he's last in line for the Danish royalty. That is messed up, dude.
William Murderface : Well, that's what he gets for goin' after my hog.
Pickles the Drummer : Awesome.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Dude, I would've done the same thing.
[rolls his eyes]
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Dutch.
Pickles the Drummer : Yeah, well, it's official. I mean, you're gettin'... really... good at headbuttin'.
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Nathan Explosion : Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the party. And as you all know, no party is complete without a birthday party clown. And we got one of the finest rock and roll clowns - around, so please - put it - your hands - to - you know... here comes the rock and roll clown.
Dr. Rockso : Ooh, ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-yeah! I'm Dr. Rockso, the rock and roll clown! I do cocaine! Ah-ka-ka-ka-yeah!
[Murderface covers his face in disgust]
Dr. Rockso : I hear it's somebody's birthday! I do COCAINE!
[he inflates a long, skinny balloon with a silent fart]
Dr. Rockso : Dr. Rockso gonna make you a BALLOON bass!
[sotto voce to Murderface]
Dr. Rockso : I seriously do... a lotta cocaine.
[he turns his back to the crowd as he ties the balloons together, then faces front again]
Dr. Rockso : Try it out!
[he hands Murderface a Bootsy Collins Space Bass balloon]
Dr. Rockso : Wait a minute: I think someone's outta tune!
[he twists a "knob" on the "bass"]
Dr. Rockso : Just a little more.
[the "knob" part of the balloon pops on Murderface's head]
Dr. Rockso : You popped a string! Ha-ho! I do coc...
[he chokes as Murderface shoves the long part of the balloon down his throat]
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Nathan Explosion : [Murderface is attempting to sneak out of Mordhaus after his disastrous birthday party. He is suddenly blinded by a spotlight from an overhead helicopter, which lowers the rest of the band, wearing camouflage and night-vision goggles, down to the ground on ziplines] Attention! You big baby!
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Ah, what are you doing, going for a crybaby walk?
William Murderface : Hey, why's everybody wearin' camouflage? You joinin' the Marines?
Nathan Explosion : We wanted to, uh, surprise you... in outfits.
William Murderface : Look like a stupid Navy SEAL.
Nathan Explosion : That's part of the surprise.
William Murderface : Why?
Nathan Explosion : Because it makes us harder to see. And that's awesome.
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William Murderface : [at the Louvre] Thirty-thousand pieces of art, and what do you know. They all stink like sh...
[cuts to the Louvre in flames]
French guy : Vive Dethklok!