Andy Richter Controls the Universe (TV Series)
Saturday Early Evening Fever (2003)
Paget Brewster: Jessica Green
Quotes
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[Teak and Phil are fighting over Jessica]
Jessica : [answering the phone] This is Jessica.
Phil : [impersonating Teak] Jessica, this is Teak. I just called to tell you I'm a total jerk and you should definitely go out with Phil, because he's your kind of man. And strong.
Teak : [Teak comes in on a third line] Phil, you bastard. Jessica, it's me, Teak.
[impersonating Phil]
Teak : No wait, it's Phil. And you're fat.
[normal]
Teak : Did you hear that? Phil just called you fat.
Jessica : [impersonating Phil] Wait, I'm Phil.
Teak : What?
Phil : Huh?
Jessica : [impersonating Teak] Hello, this is Teak!
Phil : What?
Teak : Who is this?
Jessica : [impersonating Phil] Phil. I think someone else is on the line.
Phil : What?
Jessica : [impersonating Teak] What?
Teak : Are you Teak or Phil?
Jessica : [scary voice] I'm in the house!
[impersonating Phil]
Jessica : Dude, run! Hang up! Run!
[both Teak and Phil hang up and run away frightened]
-
Teak : We're through with you.
Jessica : That's terrible.
[pause]
Jessica : Oh, I'm over it.
Phil : You came between us like a wedge, you wedge-woman!
Jessica : Whatever. Just give me your parking thingie and we'll get you outta here.
Teak : You used your powers of sexual hotness to ruin our friendship.
Phil : Yeah, like a succubus or a type five demon!
Jessica : This whole thing has been in your heads. You love me, you hate me, who cares? Why don't you go find something to pierce, or tattoo, or inhale from a bag? But leave me the hell alone.
[Jessica leaves]
Teak : That was so hot.
Phil : I want her so bad again.