- David 'Dave' Seville: I'm really worried. Alvin's been like this all weekend.
- Theodore Seville: Friday was the worst day of his life, Dave.
- Simon Seville: First, he lost the election for class president. Then, he lost his girl.
- David 'Dave' Seville: What happened?
- Simon Seville: She left him for someone taller.
- Theodore Seville: And then, he didn't make the cover of Hot Rockers Magazine. Bruce Springsteen did. It was just too much for him.
- David 'Dave' Seville: Poor little guy. I hope we can cheer him up.
- Theodore Seville: I baked your favorite cake, Alvin. Banana coconut.
- Simon Seville: [carrying books] And I got these for you at the library.
- [holds one up]
- Simon Seville: And this one always cheers me up when I'm down: Math Problems for Rainy Day Weekends.
- Alvin Seville: [not enthused]
- Simon Seville: [tries another book] Uh, how about The Best of Math Problems for Rainy Day Weekends? It's got some great long division.
- Alvin Seville: [still not enthused]
- David 'Dave' Seville: [whispering to Theodore] This oughta do it. Hey, Alvin. I've got two free passes to tonight's Bruce Springsteen concert. What do ya say?
- Alvin Seville: [screams]
- David 'Dave' Seville: What did I say?
- Simon Seville: Springsteen.
- David 'Dave' Seville: Oh, I forgot!
- Alvin Seville: [the house shakes from Alvin performing loud Rock music] I was born in the USA!
- Alvin Seville: I'm a new man! The world won't have Alvin Seville to kick around anymore. No more Mr. Nice Guy.
- Theodore Seville, Simon Seville: Mr. Nice Guy?
- Alvin Seville: [using a jackhammer on the driveway] Jackhammerin' in the USA!
- David 'Dave' Seville: Alvin, what are you doing?
- Alvin Seville: [with a tough voice] What a workin' man does. Building blisters.
- David 'Dave' Seville: You've ruined the driveway. How am I supposed to get the car in and out?
- Alvin Seville: [with a tough voice] Forget the car. Be a man. Get a tank.
- David 'Dave' Seville: A tank? Alvin!
- Alvin Seville: Call me The Boss.
- David 'Dave' Seville: [going into a rough place to eat dinner] Are you sure this is where you want to eat dinner, Alvin?
- Alvin Seville: [with a tough voice] It's a tough place for tough guys.
- Waiter: [serves the table] Here's your grits, gravy, and granite.
- Alvin Seville: [with a tough voice] Okay, everybody, CHOW DOWN!
- [falls asleep and his face lands in his plate]
- David 'Dave' Seville: I think *The Boss* has had it.
- Simon Seville: His bandana was probably on too tight.
- Simon Seville: Help1 Help! I've been robbed! My life savings, gone.
- Theodore Seville: No, it's not. Alvin borrowed it.
- Simon Seville: He borrowed it? For what?
- Simon Seville: [to Alvin] A LAMA? You spent my life savings on a LAMA?
- Alvin Seville: [dressed as and talking like Michael Jackson] Such a peaceful animal. It brings out the sensitivity in me.
- Simon Seville: Alvin, he's eating the couch!
- Alvin Seville: Call me Michael.
- Alvin Seville: [coming into the kitchen for breakfast with his lama] Good morning, family members.
- David 'Dave' Seville: Morning, Alvin.
- Alvin Seville: [still imitating Michael Jackson] David, please. Call me Michael.
- David 'Dave' Seville: Sorry, Michael.
- [the lama starts to eat from one of the bowls at the table]
- David 'Dave' Seville: This is getting ridiculous.
- Alvin Seville: Be patient, David. I'm in search of a new me.
- David 'Dave' Seville: There been a new you everyday this week.