Andy Barker, P.I. (TV Series)

Dial M for Laptop (2007)

Andy Richter: Andy Barker

Quotes 

• Andy Barker : Oh boy, there you are. With all your lady business out.

• Andy Barker : Well, if they're coming tonight, let's be ready for 'em.

  Wally : I'll be there for you, Andy. The enemy of my friend is my enemy, my friend.

  Simon : Oh-hohoho a reverse stakeout! We'll probably be here all night.

  [suddenly serious] 

  Simon : I don't want any cracks about my retainer.

• Andy Barker : Jenny, refridge my rice pudding. I gotta go back to the office.

• Andy Barker : Excuse my French, but I am P.O.'d! And I would like to know what's going on.

  Lew Staziak : I told you about Peter Jacobsmeyer, right?

  Andy Barker : No.

  Lew Staziak : [sighs]  Drugs keep my ticker going but my brain's shutting down.

• Andy Barker : Well why do we have to lie about who we are?

  Simon : We need a backstory. Nobody's gonna tell an accountant and a video store manager where she is.

  Loretta's Roomate : [opens door]  Yeah?

  Andy Barker : Hi, eh, we're looking for Loretta Crispin. We were hoping that -

  Loretta's Roomate : She went to a bar downtown, the Brunswick House.

  Andy Barker : Oh. Well that's all we want, thanks very much.

  Simon : Hi. We're movie producers. We think she would be perfect on our upcoming film.

  Loretta's Roomate : It's on Figaro or Western Hugh.

  Andy Barker : Yeah, I know that intersection, thank you.

  Simon : Well, it's an underwater action drama about a mutated lion that lives in the ocean and attacks shipping lanes. It's called Sea-Cat!

  Loretta's Roomate : She's wearing a grey silk top, grey skirt, black pearl necklace and matching earings.

  Andy Barker : Sounds like she'll be easy to find, thank you very much.

  Simon : [laughs]  I'll bet General Jackson could jog your memory...

• Andy Barker : This is gonna go down fast. Girls like Loretta have a radar for sniffing out the biggest dork in the place...

  Loretta Crispin : Hi there.

  Andy Barker : Oh! Hi, hey!

• Loretta Crispin : [trying to get Andy's pants off]  Don't you wanna have some fun?

  Andy Barker : [pretending to be drugged]  More fun with pants done up...

• Lew Staziak : Wanna make a quick two grand?

  Andy Barker : What are you doing here? It's 3 o'clock in the morning.

  Lew Staziak : Not in Hong Kong it's not.