- Hannah Morganthal: I'm not scared. I'm never scared.
- Dr. Gregory House: [sighs] See? How juvenile was that? You can't feel pain. Nothing left, but pleasure. Why don't you tell me how wonderful that is?
- Hannah Morganthal: It sucks.
- Dr. Gregory House: Better than being in pain all the time. Get in the chair.
- Hannah Morganthal: Every morning, I have to check my eyes to make sure I didn't scratch a cornea in my sleep.
- Dr. Gregory House: Oh, God, stop. I'm in a pool of tears here.
- Hannah Morganthal: I can't cry.
- Dr. Gregory House: Neither can I. Every morning, I check my eyes for jaundice in case the Vicodin's finally shot my liver.
- Hannah Morganthal: I can't run anywhere without examining all my toes for swelling.
- Dr. Gregory House: I can't run.
- Hannah Morganthal: Boys can't hold me for too long because I can overheat.
- Dr. Gregory House: Girls can't hold me for too long because I only pay for an hour.
- Hannah Morganthal: I need an alarm on my watch to remind me to go to the bathroom. Know how many humiliating experiences before I thought of that?
- Dr. Gregory House: Bathroom is fifty feet from my office. Every drink of water, I weigh the pros and cons.
- Hannah Morganthal: After everything I do, I self-check. Mouth, tongue, gums for cuts, count teeth, check temperature, fingers, toes and joints for swelling, skin for bruises.
- Dr. Gregory House: I got shot.
- [last lines]
- Dr. Allison Cameron: So I'm thinking we should have sex.
- Dr. Robert Chase: That makes sense.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: Despite the wisdom of pop songs there's no point in putting our lives on hold till love comes along. We're both healthy and busy people, and we work together so it's convenient.
- Dr. Robert Chase: Like microwave pizza?
- Dr. Allison Cameron: And of all the people I work with you're the one I'm least likely to fall in love with.
- Dr. Robert Chase: Like microwave pizza.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: The point here is to make things simpler, not more complicated. Some day there'll be time to get serious about someone. Meanwhile, we already had sex once and didn't get weird about it, so...
- Dr. Robert Chase: I get it, I get it. So, what if I'm offended by your judgment?
- Dr. Allison Cameron: Then you're not the man I'm looking for.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: [about Hannah] She's going to jump off the lobby balcony.
- Dr. Gregory House: You think I can catch her?
- Dr. Gregory House: [to Hannah] Hi, again. And I'm sure I can say this without being condescending, but then you'd get the false impression that I respect you, so... you're a kid, you're scared, you're stalling, Grow up.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: Hannah, you're having a paranoid delusion.
- Hannah Morganthal: I don't believe you.
- Dr. Robert Chase: [to Cameron] Did you think she would?
- Dr. Robert Chase: Happy Valentine's Day.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: A holiday that only applies to people who are already paired up. For everyone else, it's Wednesday.
- Dr. Robert Chase: Wow. Thank you for that dash of cold water.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: [after House pulls a worm out of a patient] That's gotta be 25 feet long.
- Dr. Gregory House: Dammit! World record's over 60.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: You weren't shot because of leg pain, you were shot because you're a jerk.
- Dr. Gregory House: Some think the two are connected.
- Dr. James Wilson: Oh, it's way more interesting, but instead, I've gotta be your damn conscience. I'm tired of being your conscience. I don't enjoy being your conscience.
- Dr. Gregory House: No one enjoys it.
- Dr. James Wilson: You're studying her.
- Dr. Gregory House: She's actually sick.
- Dr. James Wilson: Which you found out after you took her on.
- Dr. Gregory House: I was curious. Since I'm not a cat, that's not dangerous.
- Dr. James Wilson: I don't think that metaphor was designed to actually warn cats.
- [House walked in on Cuddy's date]
- Dr. Gregory House: [to Don] You two must've met online. Either that or you've got a friend who secretly hates you.
- Don Herrick: Don Herrick. Yeah, we connected through singleballroomdancelovers.com.
- Dr. Gregory House: [to Cuddy] Why would he volunteer that information?
- Don Herrick: Why would I hide it?
- Dr. Gregory House: [to Cuddy] You didn't tell him that anything he said would be held against you?
- Dr. Gregory House: Foreman. Your girlfriend wants to know if you're available for Valentine's. Act surprised. What are you doing down here?
- Dr. Eric Foreman: There's a snowstorm. E.R.'s short staffed. We're all supposed to be here. You're supposed to be here. You're an ass. Act surprised.
- Don Herrick: So, what does a dean of medicine do?
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Oh, can we please not talk about that. I will talk about anything else, but I'm just trying to get away from work.
- Don Herrick: Metaphorically. Because, geographically the coffee place around the corner from the hospital probably isn't the furthest you could get.
- Nurse Wendy: I've planned a surprise getaway.
- Dr. Gregory House: Get away.
- Nurse Wendy: Uh hmm.
- Dr. Gregory House: Get away.
- [Wendy stares]
- Dr. Gregory House: Get. Away.
- Dr. Robert Chase: What do you think you're going to figure out, you think... her lack of pain is somehow the answer to your pain?
- Dr. Gregory House: I think... if you'd stop talking to Cameron, then right now we could be ranking nurses in order of do-ability.