Unhappily Ever After (TV Series)
Jack's First Date (1995)
Kevin Connolly: Ryan Malloy
Quotes
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Tiffany Malloy : [cellphone in hand] Hey, Ryan, one of my friends wants to know if you are doing anything Friday or Saturday night?
Ryan Malloy : [expectantly] No.
Tiffany Malloy : [on cellphone] I told you. He never goes out.
[laughs at the loser]
Ryan Malloy : [defensively] I date plenty.
Tiffany Malloy : Taking a Victoria's Secret catalogue to the bathroom is not a date.
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Jack Malloy : Whoa. I believe I'm looking at my Saturday night date.
Ryan Malloy : You don't stand a chance. That's Miss Taylor, my Civics teacher. Everybody's trying to date her, every guy in this school, every teacher, including half the women teachers, no luck.
Jack Malloy : [exuding confidence] Have some faith, oh ye of little boogie...
[walks over]
Jack Malloy : Hi, you come here often?
Miss Taylor : [short dress, long loose hair, bosomy] Yeah. Every day. I'm a teacher.
Jack Malloy : You're beautiful. You could make a fortune dancing naked for a bunch of drunks.
Miss Taylor : Yeah, but instead I choose to earn peanuts teaching a bunch of idiots.
Jack Malloy : [laughs] Look, we can stand here and chit-chat all night, but there are a lot of other women I could be hitting on, so do I have a shot with you or not?
Miss Taylor : I don't know. You have that pinched, horny look of a married man.
Jack Malloy : Actually, we just separated.
Miss Taylor : Really? So you probably haven't had enough time to catch a sexually transmitted disease.
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Jack Malloy : Yup, tomorrow night I'm taking your teacher out, and come Monday, every kid in the school will know how your old Dad did in the sack.
Ryan Malloy : It's okay, Dad, I was gonna drop out anyway.
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Ryan Malloy : Hey, Dad, what do you think about a guy who sits home night after night watching television, never has a date with a woman?
Jack Malloy : Don't worry, son, you're still young, you're probably not a homo.