- Principal Shepard: Chris Griffin... you are expelled from James Wood High
- Chris Griffin: But if I leave now, I won't find out who the dumbest kid in School is!
- Lois Griffin: You know, I have to admit that I've always been a little worried about Chris, but, I just convinced myself things would work out for him. But with no education, what kind of future could he possibly have?
- Peter Griffin: Well, what are we supposed to do, Lois? It's not like the high school will take him back. And every other school we've tried just doesn't...
- [eyes widen looking toward the window]
- Peter Griffin: oh... crap!
- [Ernie the Giant Chicken stands outside the window and tackles Peter and another fight occurs between them]
- Rich kid: I'm sweating more than a non-legacy applying to Yale.
- Stewie Griffin: [explaining to Chris about his job] And I got a job following fat people around with a tuba.
- [the scene cuts to the park where there is a fat, and morbidly obese man walking; and Stewie appears behind the bushes following him with a tuba, playing a jaunty tune]
- Fat Guy: [walking while listening to Stewie's jaunty, but rude fat-guy tuba music] Stop it!
- [Stewie continues playing the tune on the tuba]
- Fat Guy: Cut it out!
- [Stewie resumes his tune on the tuba]
- Fat Guy: I have a glandular problem!
- [Stewie resumes playing the tuba, until the fat guy falls over and Stewie plays a comic flourish]
- Stewie Griffin: [putting his hand out to the fat guy as he falls over] That'll be $60.
- Chris Griffin: [closing lines]
- [Chris is going upstairs to put his bag upstairs, with Stewie Griffin following him with a tuba playing a fat-guy jaunty tune]
- Chris Griffin: Cut it out!
- [Stewie resumes playing the tuba]
- Chris Griffin: I'm just trying to live my life!
- [Stewie resumes the tune with the tuba]
- Chris Griffin: No-one taught me about carbs!
- [Chris falls over, with his bags and Stewie plays a windy flourish on the tuba as he falls]