Rami Malek: Kenny

Quotes 

• Dylan : [on a date]  So were you born in New York?

  Kenny : I DON'T WANNA HAVE SEX WITH YOU!

  Dylan : [stunned]  What?

  Kenny : I'm a virgin - slow down, will ya?

  Dylan : I don't...

  Kenny : I've never been with another guy in a house all alone before, okay?

  Dylan : Kenny, just relax.

  Kenny : Hey, I'm bad at being gay. I think I'm allowed to be a LITTLE upset.

  Dylan : I've never been in this situation either, okay? This is all new to me, too.

  Kenny : Really?

  Dylan : [still alarmed]  Trust me. *All* of it is new to me.

  Kenny : [sits down]  So... you don't want to start having crazy sex right this second?

  Dylan : Um, no. Not really.

  Kenny : [grins]  Is this a great date or what?

  Dylan : [later]  So, what do you feel like doin'?

  Kenny : How about a movie? I rented Funny Girl and All About Eve.

  Dylan : Hmm. Those sound kind of... gay.

  Kenny : Yeah, they do, don't they.

  Dylan : I like Lord of the Rings.

  Kenny : I love Lord of the Rings!

  Dylan : They have the best battle sequences ever filmed.

  Kenny : Oh my God, that's exactly what Larry says!

  Dylan : I think Viggo Mortensen was born to play the part of Aragorn.

  Kenny : Larry says that too!

  Dylan : Oh yeah? Well, does Larry say that you have the most soulful eyes he's ever seen?

  [Kenny is speechless, and then giggles and swoons against the couch] 

• [Kenny is living at the Gold house after being thrown out of his own for being gay] 

  Vicky Gold : Now that he has a boyfriend and he's gonna be home alone while we're away, I think you need to talk to him about safe sex.

  Dave Gold : Ahhwwweh, whaddayou kidding me?

  Vicky Gold : No! We don't know what he knows and doesn't know about sex.

  Dave Gold : And I'd like to keep it that way.

  Vicky Gold : And I'd like to keep him from getting AIDS.

  Dave Gold : A'right, a'right, a'right, fine. Fine. I'll go have a talk with him about the birds and... the birds.

  [Dave finds Kenny reading in the living room] 

  Dave Gold : So, uh, eeah, you're, ah, you're, ah, you're reading a comic book, huh?

  Kenny : [a little apprehensive]  Yeah.

  Dave Gold : Yeah, well, uh, you know how those things come wrapped in plastic to protect 'em?

  Kenny : Um, yeah.

  Dave Gold : That's always a good idea in general. Y'know, it's good to keep things wrapped up, to protect 'em. Y'know what I'm saying?

  Kenny : Please tell me this is about me leaving the ham out on the counter.

  [he pauses] 

  Kenny : Oh my God, are you trying to talk to me about safe sex?

  Dave Gold : Yeah, but uh, there's nothin' to feel weird about.

  [the scene shifts to the show's trademark 'thought room', where the characters speak directly to the audience, this time a split screen with both Dave and Kenny] 

  Dave and Kenny, together : This is the most uncomfortable moment of my entire life!