- Dr. Elliot Reid: I'm notifying all my old boyfriends that I am officially off the market.
- Dr. Perry Cox: I'm sure the pulse setting on your shower head will be devastated.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Now don't you screw this up, Keith. Because if this goes wrong, the wedding goes wrong, and then I'll get depressed and fat and you cheat on me and I swear to god I will CHOP IT OFF!
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Why would you tell me you miscarried our child when you clearly didn't?
- Dr. Kim Briggs: That's probably a question I should answer more face to face after the lecture.
- [stammering]
- Dr. Kim Briggs: Are there any other questions? Yes, you sir.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Yeah, uh, I think you should answer his question.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [thinking] How did he get over there so fast?
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [out loud] You're a good friend.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: I got your back.
- Dr. Kim Briggs: [breathing deeply] Anyone else have a question? Yes you i-in the back.
- Old M.C.: Bust a move!
- Dr. Kim Briggs: Really more a statement than a question, but thank you.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: I'm just so mad I literally don't know what to say to her.
- [J.D. holds up his hand to stop Old M.C. from talking as he walks by]
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Don't you dare. Part of me wants to talk to her, part of me wants to...
- Old M.C.: [yelling from a distance] Bust a move?
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: You have a problem, sir, seek help!
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Say I was too nervous to hit on that girl over there what advice would you give me?
- Old M.C.: Bust a move.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Alright, alright. What if a great song comes on and I'm too shy to get down, what should I do?
- Old M.C.: Bust a move.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: You're awesome, man, what are you drinking, we'll buy you one.
- Old M.C.: Bust a move.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: How are you doing?
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Not too bad, considering I just had a bomb dropped on me.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Oh no, that was bigger than a bomb, more like an asteroid about to hit the planet, you know? People running in the streets screaming "Oh my god, it's coming right at us!", and then dudes turning to hot chicks and being all like "Look, we're about to die so can I hit that?", and then the girls like "Hell to the no!", but then she realizes, "Oh my god, I'm about to die, so you know what? Yeah you can hit this, but no kissing."
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: That's exactly what it's like!
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Were you ever planning on telling me?
- Dr. Kim Briggs: Yes, of course, yes. I just hadn't figured out how yet. I mean, what could I possibly say?
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: I don't know, how about, "J.D., I think there might be something living in my uterus."
- Dr. Christopher Turk: So when the conference starts, I pretend to choke, and you say, "Is there a doctor in the house?" It's going to kill.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Yeah, but don't really choke, 'cause that wouldn't be funny.
- Dr. Perry Cox: July 21st? Ooh, I'm afraid I won't be able to make it?
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Why not?
- Dr. Perry Cox: Because I wouldn't go to your wedding if it was held in my own backyard.
- Bartender: I'm sorry. We don't have appletinis. I can make you a peachtini.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Too foofy for my taste. I'll just have a beer, thanks... with a pineapple wedge.
- Dr. Kim Briggs: I know I made a huge mistake. And I'm so, so sorry. I just, I had backed myself into this corner I didn't know how to get out of, and...
- [Long pause]
- Dr. Kim Briggs: You know what? No more excuses. I did a horrible thing. And I don't expect you to forgive me.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Well good, because I'm not going to.
- Dr. Kim Briggs: [Kim is almost in tears, speaking to J.D] You probably hate me right now, because I hate myself. But it's been really good seeing you. And... and I thought I could do this on my own, but I can't. I'm alone, and I'm terrified, and I have no right to ask you for this... but I could really use some help.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: I cannot believe that you wouldn't wanna come see me start my life with my soulmate.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Soulmate? Try "last resort". Let's just be honest for two seconds here. You've basically lived in this dump for the last six years, and there weren't that many guys to choose from once you eliminate the women and the gays,
- [Seven people disappear from the shot]
- Dr. Perry Cox: the too old,
- [Three men disappear]
- Dr. Perry Cox: the too poor,
- [Five more men disappear]
- Dr. Perry Cox: the ones who just barely beat the rap for murdering their first wife,
- [Dr. Mickhead disappears]
- Dr. Perry Cox: and of course, Ted.
- [Ted desperately jumps but disappears in midair. Keith is now standing in the room alone, waving at Elliot]
- Dr. Perry Cox: Well then, what's left?
- Dr. Kim Briggs: [J.D. confronts Kim in person for lying about a miscarriage] ... Sorry?
- [She grins feebly. J.D. stares daggers at her]
- Dr. Kim Briggs: Okay, too soon for laughter. I know that you must be really upset.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Upset is just one of the emotions I'm feeling, Kim. How could you do this to me?
- Dr. Kim Briggs: I don't know. My hormones went crazy. And I was scared, and I thought that the only reason we were together was because I was pregnant. So I lied, and I pushed you out the door, and then I got really angry that you left me!
- Dr. Kim Briggs: Crap salad, I gotta go give another lecture. I just need 40 minutes and... Please stay. Promise me that you'll just stay and we can talk about this.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Fine. But I'm not doing it for you.
- Dr. Kim Briggs: Fair enough.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: And don't worry about coming to my wedding, because there probably won't be one.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Look, I love it that after six years I can still mess with your head. It is both a testament to my commitment and a glaring statement about your mental fragility. But still, as much as it pains me to say it, there's nothing I did or said that had any real impact on your relationship with the future Mr Barbie.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Yeah, but I got all crazy and went off on him.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Of course you did, you're a woman. Sure, you do come with a little extra crazy, but what the heck, that's what makes you, you.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: God, I can't stop thinking about Elliot.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Dude, it's over, okay? You guys had your chance. She crushed you, you crushed her. It's always a train wreck.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: That was then.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: What's so different now?
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: She's getting married. I don't know, I guess, in the back of my head, I thought even after all the hell we'd put each other through, we might end up together, you know?
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Yeah.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: I mean, what if not being with Elliot is the biggest mistake of my life?
- Dr. Christopher Turk: You've made bigger mistakes.
- Phone Recording: [Flashback: J.D. is on the phone] For tickets to see "Basic Instinct 2", press the pound key.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [Back to present] That one still stings.
- Dr. Perry Cox: So, let me ask you this there, Barb: Do ya really want to marry Keith, or do you just want to get married?