The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (TV Series)

Who Needs Elvis? (1960)

Dwayne Hickman: Dobie Gillis

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Dobie has been unsuccessful in winning the heart of Esme Lauterbach, a girl who is a head taller than him] 

  Dobie Gillis : [in his monologue to the audience]  I've got a plan. Not exactly a plan, more like a hope. And not much of a hope. A hope that's puny, scrawny, skimpy, scraggly, tattered...

  Maynard G. Krebs : [Maynard walks up]  You rang?

  Dobie Gillis : Maynard... If I ask you to do something for me, something you hated to do, would you do it?

  Maynard G. Krebs : Dobe, good buddy, I would throw myself in front of an express train for you.

  Dobie Gillis : Ah, fine, Maynard.

  [Maynard then launches into a long list of vehicles that he would throw himself in front of, until Dobie cuts him off] 

  Dobie Gillis : Y'know that girl in the band, Esme Lauterbach... I want you to go to her, and tell her you've been thinking about her offer, and you've decided to go steady with her.

  Maynard G. Krebs : G'bye, ex-buddy... I don't dig girls, you know that.

  Dobie Gillis : All I know is that I'm the best friend you ever had... . Now, when I ask you one little favor, you rat out on me. All right, Maynard, if that's the way it is, I'm glad I found out.

  Maynard G. Krebs : OK, Dobe, I'll do it.

  Dobie Gillis : Ahhh, that's my good buddy. Now...

  Maynard G. Krebs : There's only one thing I don't dig. If you're so ape for this tall chick, how come you want me to go steady with her?

  Dobie Gillis : Ahh, that's the clever part of my plan. Now, y'see, Maynard, Esme says I'm not tall enough for her. Well, I will be in a little while. All I need is some time to grow. But meanwhile, I've gotta make sure some other guy doesn't come along and grab her. Now, if you're going steady with her, that takes her out of circulation while I'm growing. Then when I get my growth, I'll come to you and I'll say, 'OK Maynard, turn Esme over to me', which you of course will be happy to do, 'cause you are my good buddy, and you don't like girls anyhow.

  Maynard G. Krebs : True. There's only one thing I can say, Dobe... I'm glad the Russians ain't got your brain.