The Office (TV Series)

Women's Appreciation (2007)

Rainn Wilson: Dwight Schrute

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dwight Schrute : I wish I could menstruate. If I could menstruate, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I'd just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus, I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides.

• Dwight Schrute : This is a petition for the business park to upgrade their security cameras, as well as install two floodlights in the parking lot. And I know what you're thinking: Won't that just shed more light on the penises? But that is a risk we have to take. Pam, you can draw, kind of. Why don't you work with Phallus on drawing a picture of the exposer that I can post around the community?

  Pam Beesley : Phallus?

  Dwight Schrute : Phyllis. Sorry. I've got penises on the brain.

• Michael Scott : My point is... A penis, when seen in the right context, is the most wonderful sight for a woman. But in the wrong context, it is like a monster movie.

  Dwight Schrute : "Alien."

  [makes monster noise] 

• Karen Filippelli : Hey, did you guys see this memo that Dwight sent out? "Women will be sent home if they wear makeup or heels exceeding one-quarter inch. Females are not allowed to speak to strangers unless given written authorization by Dwight Schrute." This is ridiculous.

  Dwight Schrute : Attention. I am removing all bananas from the kitchen.

  Karen Filippelli : Dwight, this memo that you distributed is insulting.

  Dwight Schrute : Desperate times call for desperate measures.

• Jim Halpert : [after he's been given a demerit]  Like, what does a demerit mean?

  Dwight Schrute : Let's put it this way. You do not want to receive three of those.

  Jim Halpert : Lay it on me.

  Dwight Schrute : Three demerits, and you'll receive a citation.

  Jim Halpert : Now, that sounds serious.

  Dwight Schrute : Oh, it is serious. Five citations, and you're looking at a violation. Four of those, and you'll receive a verbal warning. Keep it up, and you're looking at a written warning. Two of those, that will land you in a world of hurt, in the form of a disciplinary review, written up by me, and placed on the desk of my immediate superior.

  Jim Halpert : Which would be me.

  Dwight Schrute : That is correct.

  Jim Halpert : Okay. I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full dessaggelation.

  Dwight Schrute : What's a dis... What's that?

  Jim Halpert : Oh, you don't want to know.