- Joy Turner: You don't get sent to prison for slapping a cop. And even if you did, you know what the odds are that you even get sent to the same prison as Earl?
- Randy Hickey: Seven?
- Joy Turner: Seven what?
- Randy Hickey: Seven get sent to prisons.
- Joy Turner: That doesn't even make sense.
- Randy Hickey: Twelve?
- Warden: I'll level with you, I have a fraternity reunion coming up and if I'm not employed, Slimecracker and Man-Boobs are gonna tease the crap outta me!
- Earl Hickey: I still can't see why we can't have our own nail clippers.
- Guard: Me neither. Although this one guy used them to saw off another guy's arm. Took three and a half weeks.
- Darnell Turner: This job is too dangerous for him. His reaction time is too slow. Watch this. Randy, I'm going to slap you.
- [slowly moves his hand to Randy's face, then slaps him]
- Randy Hickey: Ow!
- Darnell Turner: It's like a snake in winter.
- Earl Hickey: So you have your gangs fight each other just so you can be together?
- Hector: That, and they really like fighting.
- Earl Hickey: Randy, I want you to look at Joy and find one nice thing to say about her. Go on.
- Randy Hickey: Well, I suppose she does have a nice rack.
- Joy Turner: [pleased] Was that so hard?