- Rodney Dangerfield: I checked into a hotel, I asked the bell hop to handle my bag, he started to feel up my wife. I mean I said to him, "Hey buddy, who told you you could play around with my wife?" He said, "Everybody."
- Rodney Dangerfield: My wife and I, we never have sex. We get undressed, we can't stop laughing, ya know. One night I told her, "Don't laugh behind my back." She said, "I won't, the funny stuff's on the other side." Ya know?