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Learn more- Apparently there's no need to formally introduce our judges (who I've heard are Piers Morgan, Sharon Osbourne and David Hasselhoff) this week. Let's just get started.
Michelle Wallace: A banker who considers her voice "a gift to share with the whole world" takes a long time imploring the crowd to get on its feet and wave its hands then officially stinks at singing "All By Myself." Three quick buzzers, followed by Sharon recommending Michelle listen to a recording of her voice. The vote: NO
Bruce Block: Block is back for a second year, having gone through to Vegas last year as a magician but being dealt the tough break of an assistant quitting right before his second round performance. This year he's laying on a bed of nails with an assistant (has he learned nothing?) singing and dancing on top of his shirtless body. David goes on stage and stands on Block himself to prove the nails were sharp. Piers votes 'no' but he's in the minority. The vote: YES.
Dorae Saunders: Host Jerry Springer tries to fool us with female pronouns, saying that our next performer is "known around the world" as "one of the most successful female singers of all-time." Saunders is actually a male(ish) Tina Turner impersonator on stage to lip sync and dance to "Proud Mary." David found Saunders very entertaining and Sharon wanted to see more of her/him, Piers intelligently wondered whether a limp sync act to be put through and says 'no.' Ultimately the deciding vote is cast by David, who looks via editing to be swayed to the positive by the studio audience. The vote: YES
Vignette of YES: Tropidanza, a colorfully costumed collection of college students looking fresh off the parade route of Carnivale is put through, with David adding they are "my kind of act." 43-year-old entertainer Fast Wally juggles a few silvery shiny objects before being told by Sharon that he is "sensational." We're told Bryan Cheatam, 30, is an exotic dancer. Cheatham's biceps clearly made up for a mediocre Aerosmith cover and the young man is on to Vegas. If you've ever seen the sausage race at a Milwaukee Brewers game you've got a sense of what Zooperstars' aerobatic dance troupe' is all about. The crowd goes insane and the last image is of Jerry jumping for joy as they are sent on to Las Vegas.
Dallas Desperados: We get some back story on these cheerleaders, learning that they are a close-knit group consisting of "mothers, students and professionals." The dozen or so ladies perform an up-tempo routine similar to that of a NBA halftime show. After David tells us he's "moving to Dallas," we learn Piers think the girls are "brilliant" and Sharon likes the group's energy. The vote: YES
Xclusive: We learn Kenneth Par-something (we don't get a spelling) is an 18-year-old college student performing in public for the first time. He does an amusing mime-like routine over top of original music that all the judges seem to appreciate. The vote: YES
Barry Collier: The 56-year-old warehouse worker tells the judges he's going to perform barnyard animal noises. If that sets off alarm bells for you then you've clearly seen the show before. The chicken draws David's buzzer, the hound dog Piers', but for some reason Sharon sits through the coyote and the "rottweiler and wild hog having a disagreement." Ultimately the lack of a third buzzer doesn't matter. The vote: NO
Vignette of NO: The people who have told Nance Upchurch they've gotten chills when she sings are liars. Performance artists The Freak Show weren't much better, and if Salt-n-Pepa were dead they would have rolled over in their graves at what they did to "Push It." Accordion playing duo Music Makes the World Go Round is told by Piers that the "only thing worse than one accordion is two accordions." David tells dancer Mac Jay he is very strange. Advertising rep Fancy Ray McCloney informs us he is "too pretty for this show" while leaving the stage.
Donald Braswell: Our final performer is the requisite heartstring-tugger, a former professional singer and father of three who had his vocal chords severed 11 years ago in an accident. There's certainly no way this guy can perform after that. I guess its time to end the show and roll the cre---wait . . . hold the phone! It turns out those idiot doctors were wrong and Braswell has learned to talk and sing (Josh Groban) again. Lets just see how this turns out, shall we? Braswell's ''You Raise Me Up'' is perfectly capable by A.G.T. standards, though for some reason the blood-thirsty crowd boos the bejesus out of him for the first 30 seconds. Check your watches, studio audience, this is NBC's last performance of the show. All three judges say yes to the teary-eyed Braswell and we're done for the night. The vote: YES
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