- Mary Shannon: [voice-over] The reason I despise con artists, more than any of the other garden-variety miscreants that I see on a daily basis, is because robbing people of their worldly possessions isn't enough for them. They don't just leave their victims destitute, they leave them feeling foolish... betrayed. Mostly, I hate con artists because they break their victims' hearts.
- Mary Shannon: [to Trenna Morris during her intake meeting] Now then, I want you to understand something. This program is an opportunity very few people get. A shot at a fresh start, a do-over on your entire life. But it only works if you make the decision to be a better human being than you've been, and allow the possibility of something greater for yourself. And as impossible as it may seem, I've seen even bigger scumbags than you, do just that, and make it stick.
- Deandra Bevins: [to Mary, after Trenna introduces her future Mother-in-law to her as "the wealthiest drunk in New Mexico"] Welcome to my home, Mary, and please call me "Dee". Only my son's *whores* are required to call me Deandra.
- Treena Morris: [after a man was caught taking her picture outside the bridal shop, and assumed to be related to the diamond smugglers] I didn't steal any diamonds! For Pete's sake, I'm about to marry one of the richest men in New Mexico. Why on *earth* would I keep a bag of illegal diamonds?
- Mary Shannon: I don't know? Maybe because you're a soul-sucking waste of oxygen, with no regard for anybody but *yourself*! Now get ready. I'm taking you back to your mother-in-law's fortress, until I can figure out who that was.
- Mary Shannon: [trying to change out of her bridesmaid gown] Where are my mother-humping clothes!
- Treena Morris: [upset] You are dangerously close to being kicked out of the wedding party.
- Detective Robert Dershowitz: [to Mary, after he discovered the body of Jay Kelly, a P.I. from Dallas, and recovered his camera containing photos taken of Trenna and Mary in the bridal shop] And here comes the answer to the first question. We found him dead in a motel room. Our forensic experts believe that the deceased took one look at you in that dress, and hired somebody to shoot him in the head.
- Mary Shannon: "Happily ever after"; the big lie. Those three insidious words, repeated again and again, promising myself, and a gazillion other little girls, that some day, sure as the sunset, a man prettier than ourselves, would sweep us away. To live our lives forever and a day. Blah blah, blah. Never once, mentioning the years of quiet desperation, that surely followed. Which is why I pray with all my soul, that whoever invented the lethal mantra "happily ever after" died penniless, face down in the gutter, with cats, gnawing on his ears.
- Treena Morris: [to Mary] Sugar, even if I had the alleged diamonds, what exactly would be the *upside* of me handing them over to you?
- Marshall Mann: [to his boss, Stan, after he cuts his Mombo music off] Man! Why you got to harsh my mellow?