- Valerie Hogan: I am the lowest, most pathetic, truly disgusting person who ever set foot on a scale.
- Annie Steck: Val, you almost ate cheesecake - not a live parakeet.
- Valerie Hogan: I thought you were goin' over to Joey's.
- Willie Hogan: Oh, I did - but he had to mow the lawn.
- Valerie Hogan: Speaking of which, our lawn needs to be cut.
- Willie Hogan: Well, uh, I'll call Joey - but I don't think he'll be interested.
- David Hogan: When are you gonna learn? You have no business touching other body parts that don't belong to you.
- David Hogan: Mark, calm yourself - alright? Accidents happen.
- Mark Hogan: Oh, yeah? Well, I can't wait to see how understanding you'll be when you find out what happened to your compact disc player.
- Willie Hogan: You just said yourself - accidents happen.
- David Hogan: Yeah, but there's a difference between accidents and premeditated stupidity.
- Mark Hogan: How about, after we eat, we go and update the family photo album?
- David Hogan: Sounds great! I'll bring my scissors.
- Valerie Hogan: Sisters and brothers sometimes do really rotten things to each other, without realizing the damage they're doing.
- Willie Hogan: Does this mean that you guys forgive me for breaking your stuff?
- David Hogan: Sure.
- Willie Hogan: Good. Then I forgive you, too.
- Mark Hogan: For what?
- Willie Hogan: For being creepy brothers!
- David Hogan: *You* forgive *us*?... Well, OK - but just this once.
- Willie Hogan: If you both got over it, why wouldn't you talk to me?
- David Hogan: Well, because we wanted to teach you a lesson. Once we got started, uh... it was kind of fun.
- Willie Hogan: *Fun*?
- David Hogan: Look, Willie - didn't you ever pick on someone that you didn't hate, just because it was easy and you could? It was a stupid game, and it got out of hand - alright?
- Mark Hogan: If we'd known you were taking it so hard, we would have stopped.
- David Hogan: And we're sorry.
- Willie Hogan: You're sorry?
- David Hogan: Look - this is probably the first time in the history of the world that two brothers have apologized to a third brother at the same time, so enjoy it while it lasts.