Mike Hammer (TV Series)

Husbands Are Bad Luck (1959)

Darren McGavin: Mike Hammer

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  [describing a rodeo] 

  Mike Hammer : [narrating]  Out where the sagebrush meets the hot dog stands, this is one way of making a buck; when the cowhands from Cheyenne and Amarillo proved it wasn't done by the aid of mirrors. It'a a business with its ups... and its downs, but it's all a way of getting ready for the really big time.

• Sonya Miles : Well, Lefty, my ex-husband. knows that Jimmy's wealthy and he wants some money - a great deal of it - before I marry him.

  Mike Hammer : Or? Or what, Sonya? You know, in blackmail, there's always that great big "or".

• Sonya Miles : Oh, please be careful. He has an awful temper.

  Mike Hammer : I'm scared to death of men who beat up on women.

• Lefty Jones : Who are you?

  Mike Hammer : Oh, I'm just a private detective named Mike Hammer. You see, sometimes ex-wives hire me to keep ex-husbands from slapping them around.

  Lefty Jones : Real tough guy, huh? A bad man.

  Mike Hammer : Me? Not tough... No, I'm really not tough. This time I'm here peaceful like. You see, I want to point out a couple of things. Number 1: there is a law against attempted blackmail; Number 2: there is another law that says that you're really not supposed to beat up on women - even ex-wives; and Number 3:... well, yeah, you can go and talk to the Hillarys if you want to, but I wouldn't advise it, personally.

• Mike Hammer : You know, Tex, never kick a man when he's down, because you never know when he'll get up on his feet!

• Rose Stone : What's the fuss?

  Mike Hammer : Ask Sundown here.

• Rose Stone : Look, Lefty's always shootin' off his mouth and howlin' like an Indian when he gets mad. I'll talk some sense into him.

  Mike Hammer : Well, if you don't, lady, I'll beat it into him.

• Mike Hammer : [narrating]  Rose Stone had been registered there, but had checked out hurriedly an hour before. A light green refresher and I learned the clerk had made a reservation for her on the train leaving at 12:10 from Penn Station. It was 11:40 now - I had half an hour to find her.

• Mike Hammer : Come on, you're going back to your hotel.

  Rose Stone : Why?

  Mike Hammer : To help me catch a liar, a thief and a murderer.

• Mike Hammer : Well well well. Jimmy Hillary Jr., I presume.

  Rose Stone : But I talked to his father! I thought it was his old man.

  Mike Hammer : So did I, but one liar, thief and murderer is as good as another one. Alright, buster, give me that empty rod and let's go.

• [last lines] 

  [Mike is dictating a report to Sonya] 

  Mike Hammer : ...but when Miss Sonya Miles came along, she was an unexpected but highly appreciated fall guy, uh, correction - woman. W-o-m-a-n, that's right. And so, in conclusion, Mr. Hammer would desire the presence of Miss Miles for dinner this evening and far, far into the night.

  Rose Stone : Would you like that last part in capitals?

  Mike Hammer : Yeah. Yeah, especially the part about far, far into the night. Okay? Yeah!