Self - Host: And finally, new rule: Donald Trump must be inducted into the Friar's Club, because he's a comedian. I say that not as a cheap insult, but because he works like a comedian; I do stand-up dates, he does rallies. I feed off the crowd, he feeds off the crowd. When I find a bit, a hunk, a chunk, that the audience really digs, I keep doing it. And so does this chunk. Since last April, one of Trump's go-to killer bits involves me, although I'm only referred to by a variety of colorful names like "crazy maniac", "wacko comedian", "lowlife dummy". And yet, he often refers to this program as a "big show".
[a montage of clips is shown of Trump using the phrases "crazy maniac" and "big show"]
Self - Host: So... tonight, out of respect for the president, I am officially changing our name from "Real Time with Bill Maher" to "Big Show with Crazy Maniac."
[laughter and applause]
Self - Host: And what is it that Crazy Maniac has been saying that put such a bug up Trump's ass? I'll let him tell you.
[another montage of clips is shown]
Self - Host: That's it, he tells the story about how I keep saying that if he loses the election in November, he's not going to leave. And I'll tell you why I keep saying that: because if Trump loses the election in November, he's not going to leave.
[applause]
Self - Host: Now... maybe I will be shown to be a crazy maniac. But I'm not alone in this anymore; last year, Michael Cohen agreed.
[a clip of Cohen, Trump's former lawyer/fixer, testifying before Congress is shown]
Self - Host: See?