Psych (TV Series)
The Old and the Restless (2008)
James Roday Rodriguez: Shawn Spencer
Quotes
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Shawn Spencer : Can you check for a John Doe, please?
[Desk clerk nods, turns to her computer]
Shawn Spencer : Actually, can you check all the Does? Tae Kwon, Cookie, Play, Do-Si...
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Shawn Spencer : Now do you want to help this patient or not?
Walker : Of course, sir.
Shawn Spencer : Then speak to me like I'm ten years old.
Walker : He had a sudden drop in blood pressure, which deprived his brain of blood. He also suffered a contusion and slight cerebral hemorrhage.
Shawn Spencer : [pause] Talk to me like I'm five.
Walker : Uh... his blood pressure went boom and his brain got an owie.
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Burton 'Gus' Guster : So how are we going to blindly trace a man's jogging path?
Shawn Spencer : We're gonna use my Indian blood.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : You can't get Indian blood from working at a casino.
Shawn Spencer : Maybe *you* can't.
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Pamela : [to Shawn and Gus] You two are brothers?
Shawn Spencer : Our father worked at Benetton.
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Shawn Spencer : Dude... that rock is sprayed with arterial red.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Maybe it's roadkill. Taste it.
[pause]
Shawn Spencer : What is that about?
Burton 'Gus' Guster : What?
Shawn Spencer : My whole life, you've been trying to get me to taste blood. Every time I cut myself or scraped myself, it was, "Oh, Shawn, taste it, lick it. It'll make you feel better."
Burton 'Gus' Guster : It does. Lick it!
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Carlton Lassiter : You know, that is a brilliant theory, but what you've failed to take into account is that it's five degrees hotter today than this same day last year.
Shawn Spencer : Frogs can't swallow with their eyes open. It's true.
[pause]
Shawn Spencer : Oh, I'm sorry. I thought we were offering up useless pieces of information.
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Lester : How the hell did you two get in here? You're coming with me.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : I don't think so.
Shawn Spencer : [flashing his pass] Boom! Say it with me: VI-SI-TOR'S badge!
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Uh-huh, uh-huh! Do something, I dare you.
[pause]
Lester : I'll be watching you.
Shawn Spencer : We'll be getting watched.
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Shawn Spencer : Hello, I am Dr. Howser. I am filling in today. This is my personal candy striper, Knick Knack.
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Shawn Spencer : Touch it. Just use your fingertips.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : I'm not touching an electrified fence, Shawn!
Lester : [grabbing Gus and Shawn] How 'bout I touch it?
Shawn Spencer : I don't think I like the way that sounds.
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Burton 'Gus' Guster : I think all that writing gave me a ganglion cyst.
Shawn Spencer : You can't get a cyst from filling out paperwork.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : If the pen is wrong, you can. There's definitely some carpal bossing in there. We should see if they have some extra thumb splints lying around.
Shawn Spencer : You know what we should do? We should enroll you in some man classes.
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[seeing Gus's choice of disguise]
Shawn Spencer : Candy striper? Really? I didn't even know they made those uniforms for men.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : They just started. There was a lawsuit.
Shawn Spencer : I'm just saying, aim higher.
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Shawn Spencer : [while on a stake out] You sure you want to park this close, Dad? We're almost a quarter of a mile away.
Henry Spencer : Shawn, we're exactly where we should be to get a read on the situation.
Shawn Spencer : I can literally see the curvature of the Earth from here.
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Henry Spencer : My son, the super sleuth, can't even get himself access into an old folks' home.
Shawn Spencer : No, no, no, Dad. You have no idea what we're up against, okay? I tried everything. I tried the whole "I'm a travelling doula" bit, the "dingo ate my baby" routine, "hiding Gus in a sack" trick, which never fails...
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Henry Spencer : Six a.m. Sharp.
Shawn Spencer : No, that's too early.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : How about nine?
Henry Spencer : Nine's a little late.
Shawn Spencer : Come on, guys, let's be reasonable. Just split the difference, okay? Call it eleven-fifteen.
Henry Spencer : Six it is. I'll drive.
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Henry Spencer : I'll be your Talmadge McGooter.
Shawn Spencer : McGregor.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : McGulager.
Shawn Spencer : Exactly.
Henry Spencer : I'll be all those guys and I'll have this case solved by lunch.
Shawn Spencer : Considering they eat lunch here at 10:15, I'm gonna say we'll have it done by 9:45.
Henry Spencer : You're on.
Shawn Spencer : *You're* on!
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Burton 'Gus' Guster : What is that, your Indian blood?
Shawn Spencer : They were here first, Gus. Don't ever forget that. Always hating on the Indians.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : I'm not hating on the Indians, Shawn. I'm hating on you!