Will Ferrell: Ron Burgundy
Photos
Quotes
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Wes Mantooth : With the things I've done in my life, oh, I know I'm going to burn in hell. So I sure as shit ain't afraid to burn here on earth.
Ron Burgundy : Oh, my goodness! That's the most badass thing I've ever heard!
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Ron Burgundy : If you've got an ass like the North Star, wise men are gonna want to follow it.
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Gary : Do you know what a psychiatrist is, Ron?
Ron Burgundy : [pause... looks like he's going to cry] Fuck you...
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Freddie Shapp : You're on the 2 AM to 5 AM slot.
Ron Burgundy : What? That's the graveyard shift!
Brick Tamland : I ain't afraid of no ghost!
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Ron Burgundy : Who the hell is Julius Caesar? You know I don't follow the NBA!
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Ron Burgundy : I'm not trying to be funny, but are you sure he's not a midget with a learning disability?
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Mack Tannen : What are you... Finnish?
Ron Burgundy : Oddly enough I'm... hundred percent full-blown Mexican. From the state of Oaxaca.
Veronica Corningstone : No, you're not, honey.
Ron Burgundy : [shrugs]
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Brick Tamland : I have a black man that follows me everywhere when it's sunny.
Ron Burgundy : Actually, I think that's your shadow Brick.
Brick Tamland : I call him Leon, he's about half as tall as I am, depending on what time of day it is. He likes to play the timpani, and he is a water color.
Ron Burgundy : What happens to him when it gets cloudy outside?
Brick Tamland : He goes home.
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Ron Burgundy : Andre the Giant gave a surprisingly nimble foot rub.
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Ron Burgundy : Suicide makes you hungry. I don't care what anyone says.
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Ron Burgundy : The Tooth Fairy's exposed breast made the child uncomfortable.
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[At Madison Square Park, Ron runs into Jack Lime and his team]
Ron Burgundy : [shocked] What the hell?
Jack Lime : Well, hello, Ron. You out for a jog?
Ron Burgundy : Jack Lime!
[Parents and children scatter away]
Ron Burgundy : Where's everyone going? Please, I don't have time to talk, okay? I have to be somewhere.
Jack Lime : Well, that's funny. 'Cause I got nowhere to be because you pretty much destroyed my career. Do you realize what it did to me, by making myself call me "Jack Lame"?
[yells]
Jack Lime : It was a living hell!
[panting]
Ron Burgundy : I'm telling you, you have to let me go!
Jack Lime : Oh, don't worry. Four against one. This'll be over fast.
Brian Fantana : Maybe not so fast!
[Champ, Brick, and Brian appear to the rescue]
Ron Burgundy : My news team! Thank God!
Champ Kind : Ain't a day that will be or has been that we don't Ron Burgundy's back.
Jack Lime : Not a problem. When I done with these mutts, I gonna wipe my shoes on the curb.
Brick Tamland : Oh, yeah, Jack Lime? When I'm done with you, my mom's gonna pick me up and take me home.
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Ron Burgundy : By the hymen of Olivia Newton-John!
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Ron Burgundy : No offense, but you are a stupid asshole.
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Ron Burgundy : Which one of you pipe hittin bitches can pass the salt?
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Ron Burgundy : It's actually pronounced Sahn Dee-aaahh-go.
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Ron Burgundy : It doesn't matter whose fault the break-up was, I was stubborn, you were like a mentally ill whore from the 1800's.
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Ron Burgundy : Let's not down play the fact that that is Stonewall Jackson ghost right there.
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Ron Burgundy : Brick, what the hell is that?
Brick Tamland : It's a gun from the future.
MTV Host : No fair, he's got a gun from the future!
Ron Burgundy : Where did you get it from?
[Brick laughs]
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Mack Tannen : You guys got room in this battle for an old war horse?
Ron Burgundy : Mack Tannen! What are you doing here? You're too old for this!
Canadian Anchor : I had a crush on him when I was a schoolgirl.
CBC News Anchor : You like it wrinkled, huh?
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BBC News Anchor : Wait!
[the BBC News team arrives]
BBC News Anchor : Here's a headline for you: "Moronic Yank Wankerman Gets a Bloody Good Hiding from News Reader from a Superior Country". For we are the BBC News Service.
[the BBC news team yells]
Ron Burgundy : Oh, not now!
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Ron Burgundy : I would eat dolphins if it was legal.
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Ron Burgundy : Now I'm not trying to sound funny here, but are you sure he's just not some midget with a mental disability?
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Freddie Shapp : Oh, hey Linda. I wanna introduce you to Ron Burgundy.
Linda Jackson : Hello Mr. Burgundy.
Ron Burgundy : Oh, black. You're black.
[Linda laughs awkwardly]
Ron Burgundy : I'm terribly sorry, I don't know why I can't stop saying: black.
Linda Jackson : Is this for real?
Freddie Shapp : I'm sorry.
Linda Jackson : [angry] No it's okay. Okay. So you have a black boss. And it's freaking you out. Is it freaking you out?
Ron Burgundy : A little bit.
Linda Jackson : Are you freaked out?
Ron Burgundy : To be honest
Linda Jackson : [yells] Is it freaking you out?
Champ Kind : Oh! She's got a knife!
[Brick hides behind a couch]
Ron Burgundy : I think you scared him. You can't shout at Brick.
Linda Jackson : We're not all here to hold hands and sing Kumbaya. So as long as you guys get numbers, we are gonna get along just fine. Now if you don't, I am gonna be icy and unpleasant. You dig?
Ron Burgundy : I dig. We all dig.
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Ron Burgundy : [repeated line, when he first meets Linda] Black!
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History Channel Host : Hey, the History Network wants in on this. We're news too. Only news told much, much later.
Ron Burgundy : Wait a minute, is that The Ghost of Stonewall Jackson with you?
History Channel Host : Yes, it is. And the Mighty Minotaur.
Jack Lime : I don't know about this, man, the Minotaur isn't even history. He's mythology.
Ron Burgundy : Hey, lets not downplay the fact that that's The Ghost of Stonewall Jackson!
The Ghost of Stonewall Jackson : May the Lord anoint this hollowed field of battle.
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Ron Burgundy : All right, everyone, listen up! By virtue of being on this battlefield, there is no return. People will die.
Jill Janson, Entertainment Tonight Reporter : I'm so horny right now.
Ron Burgundy : Some will be disfigured. In some cases, lasting friendships will be made. And as usual, no touching of the hair and face.
CBC News Anchor : Come on. What do we look like, rookies?
CBC News Anchor , Canadian Anchor : Sorry.
Ron Burgundy : When El Trousias, Maiden of the Clouds, blows the battle horn, let the battle begin!
El Trousias Maiden of the Clouds : [on top of the Flatiron Building; yells] I am El Trousias! Hear my siren song!
[plays the battle song]
ESPN Reporter : El Trousias... The Juicies'. Hmm.
El Trousias Maiden of the Clouds : That means you can start.
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Ron Burgundy : Don't just have a great night, have an *American* night.
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Ron Burgundy : [when coming up with name suggestions for Jack Lime] How about this one? You can call yourself Dick Fuck.
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Ron Burgundy : I'm blind!
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Ron Burgundy : If I win, you must change your name legally to Jack LAME!
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Champ Kind : [the team visits Ron after he losts his eyesight] So, Ron, what do you do with yourself all day ? You're just out here pretty much away from everything.
Ron Burgundy : Well, every day begins about the same. I wake up screaming in terror because of the blackness and I think I'm dead
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MTV Host : If y'all gonna get down, then Wesley Jackson and the MTV News Crew want in!
Brian Fantana : What's MTV?
Ron Burgundy : I think it's a venereal disease.
MTV Host : The most requested video of the day, a new band called Burgundy Sucking Chestwomb.
