"Sportabzeichen für Anfänger", which means roughly translated "Sports badge for beginners", is a German television film from 2021 and this one actually had its premiere today on national television. I think it's been available through the official online download by ARD for a few more days though. Anyway, it runs for 1.5 hours or minimally under just like these films always do. The director is Thomas Roth, an Austrian filmmaker in his 50s, who has been active in the industry since the early 90s, so for quite a while already. Definitely an experienced director. However, his body of work seems quantity over quality for me. I cannot say too much about his really early work, but most of the stuff he has worked on in the new millennium is really not quality. So keep your expectations low for this film here fur sure. And even if you do, you will maybe be disappointed. The writer does not look any better really. Actually, even worse. Nina Bohlmann has not been active for as long as Roth, but what she has come up with in the last almost two decades was really disappointing. Also a great deal of quantity and even less quality than with Roth. I am only talking about her efforts as a writer here though. The stuff she produced is more interesting, most of all the inclusion of the Oscar-winning "Die Fälscher". Very interesting that this is part of her work. Maybe she was not the producer who contributed the most, but still if they handed out Oscars in this category to the producers, she could actually be an Academy Award winner now. Extremely bizarre thought looking at everything else she has done so far. Maybe she should really stick to producing and not to writing. This film here is another great example of that. The plot is just so poor and the attention to detail is minimal as well. This also has to do with the cast. The two leads are Andrea Sawatzki and Christian Berkel. I read they are also a couple in real life and this is why it felt even more disappointing because the chemistry was almost not existent in here. I must admit that I am not a huge fan of either (maybe I slightly prefer Berkel), but that I also do not hate them the way I really dislike other prolific German actors that are featured frequently on the small screen. You can say that the photo here is pretty telling in terms of the comedic direction this film is taking. Or trying to take because honestly the comedy approach here is so shoddy and uninspired that I think I did not laugh once during the entire movie. I mean I did not expect a masterpiece, but I at least hoped it could be mediocre or weak, but the truth is it is plain bland and bad. Although you can see they were trying really hard to be funny, but the talent is simply not there. Not really with the actors (Berkel should play evil villains anyway and not something like he does here), but most of all not withthe script. There are other familiar faces: Weisz (not Rachel, but an Austrian actress, guess the nationality fits in nicely with the director's origin), Schramm, Heinze, to mention only a few. Schramm is really stunning and so is the young Maja Meinhardt.
Now a few words on the plot and story. It really starts all in a way here where you know that this will be a terrible watch from beginning to end. The revolving door scene at the very beginning is one where you can basically already switch off your television. So cringeworthy honestly. There are two or three other occasions during which the two protagonists kept bumping into each other unexpectedly and in the end it was just too many and felt unrealistic. Very unrealistic. One of these occasions is of course the scene in the evening with the teacher and all the other parents and this is where the idea is created that they enter this competiton described in the film's title. I was honestly shocked how poor this scene was written because it was actually essential in terms of the story. This is what almost all that follows is about. But the idea and the plan they come up with there when talking about how children have to deal with mockery feels so far-fetched that it is impossible to take anything seriously. Anything related to this movie. I wish I could at least say that everything else, especially the comedy, is on a better level here, but as you could find out from previous statements of mine the opposite is true. Luckily, this early revolving door scene and the scene in which they come up with the plan are already when the film hits rock bottom, but this does not mean the movie does not stay forgettable until the very end. This is exactly what it does. Another lowlight was probably the pseudo conflict that is always included near the end of these films and here it was that they started dating and made a plan to stop with the sport and competition for a while and she finds out he is still doing his boxing exercises. With a professional coach even. Massive betrayal there and as a consequence we are supposed to think he is a liar and cannot be trusted (these films are always anti-male) and the two will not get together in the end. Which is nonsense of course. They obviously do, even if we see nothing explicit, but also as always with these films, at the very end we have a happy ending. Before that, there is a lot of messy writing too though. Just take the references about the deceased partner from the male protagonist. A sob story of the worst and most uninspired kind, especially with how Berkel's character son seems to be emphasizing it constantly and suffering. It almost felt offensive to everybody who really lost a loved one. That's how poor it was. no excuse there. And let's also not talk at all about the ways in which Heinze's character, the ex-husband and father of her daughter, reenters the life of the female protagonist. Just as a friend though. Well, he wants more, but of course we need to be convinced that Sawatzki's character is still very desirable. Berkel's is also a few years younger than he is in real life. Okay. I don't really know what else to say here. Not sure if Degeto was involved with this one, but it would fit because they almost always release and distribute very low-quality movies for the small screen here in my country. This perfectly fits the description and I am sure will be seeing this on ARD and its smaller stations for at least the next 15 years. The good news is these terrible films seem to become less and for example back in 2010 there were many more each year. But on the other hand, this film proves that they are still being made and it's gonna stay like that for a while. Your GEZ money being burnt, ladies and gentlemen. Stand up! What we have here is a film that from no neutral perspective can be called inspired, creative or worth watching. I mean they act as if it is something new and informative that men must achieve better results in sports than women to pass certain tests. Enough said. The entire thing is a massive failure and my very first worst movie of 2021. I guess it's gonna sit comfortably in this spot for a while. Highly not recommended.
Now a few words on the plot and story. It really starts all in a way here where you know that this will be a terrible watch from beginning to end. The revolving door scene at the very beginning is one where you can basically already switch off your television. So cringeworthy honestly. There are two or three other occasions during which the two protagonists kept bumping into each other unexpectedly and in the end it was just too many and felt unrealistic. Very unrealistic. One of these occasions is of course the scene in the evening with the teacher and all the other parents and this is where the idea is created that they enter this competiton described in the film's title. I was honestly shocked how poor this scene was written because it was actually essential in terms of the story. This is what almost all that follows is about. But the idea and the plan they come up with there when talking about how children have to deal with mockery feels so far-fetched that it is impossible to take anything seriously. Anything related to this movie. I wish I could at least say that everything else, especially the comedy, is on a better level here, but as you could find out from previous statements of mine the opposite is true. Luckily, this early revolving door scene and the scene in which they come up with the plan are already when the film hits rock bottom, but this does not mean the movie does not stay forgettable until the very end. This is exactly what it does. Another lowlight was probably the pseudo conflict that is always included near the end of these films and here it was that they started dating and made a plan to stop with the sport and competition for a while and she finds out he is still doing his boxing exercises. With a professional coach even. Massive betrayal there and as a consequence we are supposed to think he is a liar and cannot be trusted (these films are always anti-male) and the two will not get together in the end. Which is nonsense of course. They obviously do, even if we see nothing explicit, but also as always with these films, at the very end we have a happy ending. Before that, there is a lot of messy writing too though. Just take the references about the deceased partner from the male protagonist. A sob story of the worst and most uninspired kind, especially with how Berkel's character son seems to be emphasizing it constantly and suffering. It almost felt offensive to everybody who really lost a loved one. That's how poor it was. no excuse there. And let's also not talk at all about the ways in which Heinze's character, the ex-husband and father of her daughter, reenters the life of the female protagonist. Just as a friend though. Well, he wants more, but of course we need to be convinced that Sawatzki's character is still very desirable. Berkel's is also a few years younger than he is in real life. Okay. I don't really know what else to say here. Not sure if Degeto was involved with this one, but it would fit because they almost always release and distribute very low-quality movies for the small screen here in my country. This perfectly fits the description and I am sure will be seeing this on ARD and its smaller stations for at least the next 15 years. The good news is these terrible films seem to become less and for example back in 2010 there were many more each year. But on the other hand, this film proves that they are still being made and it's gonna stay like that for a while. Your GEZ money being burnt, ladies and gentlemen. Stand up! What we have here is a film that from no neutral perspective can be called inspired, creative or worth watching. I mean they act as if it is something new and informative that men must achieve better results in sports than women to pass certain tests. Enough said. The entire thing is a massive failure and my very first worst movie of 2021. I guess it's gonna sit comfortably in this spot for a while. Highly not recommended.
